Can you kiss a baby? Why you shouldn't let strangers kiss your baby Is it possible to kiss newborns

Recently, more and more disputes have arisen about whether it is possible to kiss a newborn. Parents believe that in this way they show their love to the baby and psychologists agree with this. In their opinion, kissing a child is necessary. As soon as the baby is born, he experiences a lot of stress. And this is not surprising, because all this time the child was in a warm, cozy mother's tummy, he felt protected. Therefore, children constantly need warmth and affection.

According to psychologists, a child needs a lot of strong hugs and kisses - for life, health and growth. If the child does not receive this, he grows up insecure, with low self-esteem. Such children, as a rule, are haunted by an anxious state and a sea of ​​​​complexes appears.

Is it possible to kiss a baby

But on the part of medicine, kissing a child is not permissible, since they believe that each person has his own individual microflora and it is transmitted by airborne droplets. Simply put, when we kiss a child on the lips, we disrupt his natural balance of microorganisms, creating a risk of disease.

Viruses are easily transmitted through the mucous membranes, so doctors forbid kissing the baby on the lips and eyes. Approximately 90% of the entire population has various viruses in their blood, including the herpes virus. The virus is contained in saliva, even a few days before the appearance of rashes on the lips. Therefore, it is impossible to confidently state that a person is healthy or vice versa that he is ill. Moreover, herpes in children is much more serious than in adults. In young children, such a virus can cause a serious condition that often requires hospitalization.

But, in addition to scientifically proven facts, there are also popular beliefs. For example, there is such a sign that by kissing a child, we take away the first word from him. Simply put, the child will start talking late or become dumb. So, dear parents, it's up to you. But if there is at least one chance to secure your baby, then it should be taken.

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Smile with your child! 🙂

This article talks about why strangers should not be allowed to kiss babies on the lips, and what danger this poses to a child. Children are the most precious thing a parent can have. And even a small scratch on their body makes us worry, and the usual malaise will make sleepless nights. Taking care of their health is not an easy task, but moms and dads can do a lot to achieve this goal. Perhaps your heart is filled with joy when one of the family members, friends and even strangers, gently patting the baby's cheek, kisses him on the lips. But on the other hand, this oral contact with an adult can cause enough harm to cause dangerous diseases. Therefore, never don't let anyone touch your child's lips. Otherwise, he is at high risk.

Case studies:

In September 2015, Briton Claire Henderson posted on social media a photo of her one-month-old daughter, whose mouth and area around were struck herpes virus. She did this to warn her parents about the high probability infections in infants through the connivance of adults, which caused a violent outburst of emotions on the Internet.

Herpes simplex is not dangerous for an adult, but for an infant, the outcome can be fatal, as it affects the liver and brain. It is known that about 85-90% of the world's population are carriers of this virus, which is outwardly not noticeable in any way and manifests itself in the form of ulcers only as a result of a decrease in the immune system. According to the World Health Organization, 67 percent of people under the age of 50 are infected. These facts are the answer to the question of why it is impossible to kiss a child on the lips.

Herpes simplex virus (HSV-1) is a highly contagious disease and one of the most common worldwide. First of all, the oral cavity and lips are affected. It is known that the first symptoms of herpes begin to appear there. Sometimes adults may feel a burning sensation and itching the day before. And at the moment it is important to apply a certain drug therapy (special ointments or gels) and try to avoid contact with very young children.

Symptoms that a child may experience:

Increase in body temperature;

Irritation;

Itching and/or burning around the mouth or lips (baby starts crying while breastfeeding or when lips are touched);

Redness of the gums;

Enlarged lymph nodes;

Spread of sores all over the face.

What can happen to a baby if he becomes infected with the herpes virus

Although herpes itself is not fatal, it is a great danger for babies. The infection can spread to other organs such as the brain, liver, stomach and cause serious damage, often irreparable. The worst thing is that this happens even before the onset of symptoms in the form of ulcers and fever.

Thus, HSV-1 poses a significant risk and can be fatal to any child under 3 months of age.

We know that prevention is better than cure. Protect your child from this deadly virus. You can't always tell if others are sick. Therefore, do not be shy and politely ask not to kiss the child, regardless of whether the person is infected or not. If a person is still sick, demand to stay away from him, but rather move away yourself. Make sure that there is no contact, including bodily contact, that is, do not take the child in your arms and do not stroke him.

Parenting is a complex thing, and how parents show their affection for a child often becomes a topic of discussion. The most controversial question is: Is it okay to kiss a child on the lips? Some psychologists argue that this should never be done.

When it comes to parenting, there are many dilemmas: whether to spank a child as a sign of punishment; is it possible to breastfeed in public places; whether it is okay to teach them to hold the same views as their parents; Is it time to talk to your child about adult topics? What is the best way to express love and affection?

Some believe that there is nothing wrong with kissing your child on the lips. Others think it's too much. American physician Charlotte Resnick, a child psychologist based in Los Angeles, has a second opinion and says that the mouth is an erogenous zone that is not meant for parents. She warns her parents all the time about this because despite it being seen as a sign of love, "kissing on the lips can be too confusing for kids."

Reznik is the author of the book "The Power of Your Child's Imagination: How to Turn Stress and Anxiety into Joy and Success". She explained that children may associate kissing with a sexual or romantic connection between their parents and wonder why they do the same to them.

“If you start kissing your children on the lips, when will you stop? This whole situation will become too confusing. When a child grows up to 4-6 years old and becomes sexually conscious (this is normal), a kiss on the lips can develop into something stimulating. Children will begin to have questions: if mom kisses dad on the mouth and vice versa, what does it mean when I, a little girl or boy, kiss my parents the same way? If you ask when to stop kissing your children on the lips, then I will answer - now! ”She advised.

Such reasoning by Charlotte Resnick was not accepted by many mothers, who compared her arguments to when "experts" also insisted that cycling turns girls into lesbians. Resnick's words were also refuted by clinical psychologist Sally-Anne McCormack:

“There is no absolutely certain opinion that kissing on the lips somehow confuses the child. It's more like "breastfeeding is confusing." Perhaps someone has such an opinion, but this does not make it so.

Family therapist and Dr. Paul Hockmeyer, said:

“It is important that parents maintain and maintain boundaries with their children.”

Dr Fiona Martin of the Sydney Center for Child Psychology is another specialist who disagrees with Resnick. She thinks it's absurd.

“It is normal and healthy to show love to your children. You just let your kids know that you love them,” Martin explained.

To take specific examples, there are those who support this practice and those who oppose it. Here is actress Hilary Duff's reaction. She posted a kiss photo with her 4-year-old son Luke on Instagram.

She did not accept criticism, and answered all skeptics:

"For those who think that kissing on the lips with my four-year-old son is 'inappropriate', just unsubscribe along with your reasoning and thoughts."

Hilary Duff is not the only celebrity who has drawn the ire of netizens. David and Victoria Beckham have faced a lot of hate for posting photos of their children kissing. Post by Victoria Beckham with the words: “Happy birthday girl… We all love you so much! Kiss, mom" provoked a furious debate.

Former England international David Beckham was also heavily criticized when he shared a photo of himself kissing his youngest child on the lips.

In response to criticism, David defended his actions during a Facebook Live interview:

“I was criticized for kissing my daughter on the lips. I kiss all my kids on the lips - then he joked - Brooklyn doesn't. She is 18 years old, so this may seem a little strange. We want to show our love to children, we protect them, care for them and support them.”

When it comes to this particular problem, there doesn't seem to be a right answer.

What do you think about this controversial issue?

Is it possible to kiss a child on the lips or not, is it possible to bathe children of different sexes together, is sex in the same room with a child possible or taboo? We talked with child psychologists about these and other controversial issues in raising children.

Experts advise:

Can parents kiss their child on the lips and until what age?

Maria Kiseleva: “There is no unambiguous answer here, someone will say “by no means”, someone will say “what's wrong, because babies have all the places for kisses”. Each family decides in its own way whether to kiss their children on the lips or not, and a lot here depends on which families the parents grew up in, what was allowed and what was forbidden. If, nevertheless, it is customary to kiss a child on the lips, then let it be only mom and dad, and let other relatives kiss on the cheeks or forehead, because the mouth is a very intimate area. And the second point that is important to consider: somewhere after a year and a half, the baby begins to declare his desires or unwillingness, this also applies to kisses from parents. The child can already declare his unwillingness to be kissed, screamed and pulled out, it is important to notice and listen to this.

Danil Parnikel:“Different cultures have a set of their own vowels and unspoken rules regarding kissing. In Russia, a kiss is most often an intimate gesture.

When can you kiss your baby on the lips?

• If the baby is not yet 3 years old (approximate age, 3 years is the age of the beginning of role-playing games at home and in kindergarten).
• He himself asks for it. For example, when you put him to bed or wake him up.

The child should not be kissed on the lips:

• If he is already 3 years old and goes to kindergarten, communicates and plays role-playing games with other children (“daughters-mothers”, “policemen”). The child can include you in this role-play by turning the gesture of intimacy into a kind of ritual for receiving love from the parent (like “dad from mom”). The kid goes to different tricks to get attention and love, the adequacy of the methods is determined by what the parent allows.
• If he himself asks you not to do it. Even if the child does not explain the reasons, subconsciously he feels that “something is wrong”, “only couples do this”, “I am already an adult”. Your child is trying to grow up, and preventing him from these attempts is not helpful.
• If the child painfully insists on this and requires compliance with this ritual. Instead of fulfilling the requirement, it is worth paying attention to the possible reasons for such behavior.

Are parents allowed to walk around naked with their children?

Maria Kiseleva: “It all depends on the culture of the family, before both adults and children washed in the bath. If this is accepted in the family, then the child can learn from his parents that going naked is in the order of things, and will do the same in other settings. Therefore, it is important to explain the social norms that exist in our culture. If children of different sexes grow up in a family, they will still see each other's gender differences. And here more important is the healthy attitude of parents to their sex, to the opposite sex and to their body.

Is it possible to bathe with a child? Is it possible to wash children of different sexes together?

Danil Parnikel:“You can wash in the bathroom with a baby, this is a wonderful pastime that charges with positive emotions. Over time, the preschooler may ask you to leave him alone, because he will become shy. And he will ask for help only as a last resort, for example, when he cannot dry himself with a towel. It is important to pay attention to such signals, so your child sets the boundaries of his intimate life.

If your older child does not ask you to leave and you do not notice any discomfort behind him from the presence of an adult in the bathroom, you yourself must set the boundaries. For example, you can tell your child that now he can try to wash himself as he gets older. An important nuance is the gender of the child and the parent. It is logical to assume that the boundaries between mother and son, father and daughter will appear earlier. We can’t give a specific figure when it’s definitely not worth taking a bath together, however, if we are talking about the presence of a parent of the opposite sex in the bath, we recommend continuing this practice until 5-6 years old, no longer.”

Elena Petsh: “You can bathe children together, preferably up to 3 years. After 4, some children already have a sense of shame. At five, almost all children show embarrassment about a person of the opposite sex. This is fine. Children should not be forced to undress in front of a brother or sister of the opposite sex. This is a violation of the intimate boundaries of the child.

Is it possible for parents to sleep with a child in the same bed, and if so, until what age?

Maria Kiseleva: “If it is convenient for parents and the child, then it is possible. Again, age is adjustable. Some children at the age of three go to sleep in their bed, and some at the age of five come running to their parents' bed if something terrible has happened. If an adult child persistently demands that he be allowed to sleep in his parent's bed, then it is better to analyze this situation with a psychologist and find out what the reason is, because the reasons may be different.

Can parents kiss/hug in front of a child? Is it possible to have sex in the same room with him?

Maria Kiseleva: “Kissing and hugging is necessary, in this way children see and understand what kind of relationship can be between a husband and wife, what tenderness and care are, how love is manifested. Is it worth it to have sex in the same room if the baby is sleeping? The realities of our life are such that often a young family has at its disposal one room or a small one-room apartment, so the choice is small. Of course, if there is an opportunity to retire, then this is better both for the sleep of the child and for the sex life of the parents.

Danil Parnikel:“In this case, the answer depends on various variables, such as how soundly the baby sleeps? It is important to remember that a child can wake up and witness how parents have sex, and this can be very frightening. The nature of sexual relations is unfamiliar to preschoolers, it may seem to them that "dad attacks mom at night." Add to this the darkness and defenselessness, and the child can worry about what he saw for a very long time. Love each other, but taking into account the risks and responsibility for your child.

What should parents know about their child's sexual development?

Alexandra Chernysheva:“There are a few key points that parents should keep in mind:

• Children begin to be interested in sexual issues at the age of 1.5-2 years, when one day they learn that boys differ from girls primarily anatomically.
• At the age of 6-7 years, children come to the realization that their gender is “forever”, until that time they are under the illusion that everything can change with age.
• During adolescence, there is a peak of experiences associated with the adoption of a sexual role. Obviously, the reason lies in the final puberty: from girls and boys, children turn into boys and girls and become physiologically ready for the onset of sexual activity, and therefore, potential parenthood. However, puberty is not always the achievement of gender identity - the acceptance of one's role, the feeling of comfort from being its bearer. The adoption of a gender role - a social male or female position - is a much more subtle and vulnerable process than just puberty.
• It is natural and normal to be interested in the topic of the appearance of children in preschool and primary school age, as well as sexual issues in adolescence.
• Children strive to study their bodies, and the study of the genitals is only part of this research process, it should not be feared.
• The topic of sexuality is delicate, so the initiative in the conversation should be given to the child, reminding him that he can always count on an honest answer from the parent.

Maria Kiseleva: “Everything related to questions about the genitals, where children come from, what sex is, getting pleasure, etc., should be said to the baby only if he came with a question about it. And without too many details. In the context of getting pleasure, you can simply say: “Yes, it can be nice like that,” and that’s all. Extra details are useless. If unconscious sexual behavior manifests itself at an early age, then you should not fix your attention on this: run up, remove your hands, say something. At first, you can just watch, children at the age of three or four often examine their bodies, this is normal and will pass by itself.

Elena Petsh: “At an early age, there is no concept of “sexual behavior”. If a child under three years of age seeks affection and tactile contact, this is the need to be in bodily contact with the parent. This is a healthy indicator of the normal development of the baby.

Danil Parnikel: “It is important not to scare the child when you caught him doing an “indecent” activity, because it is the reaction of the parent that forms the attitude of a small person to one or another of his actions. And since the experiment was associated with getting pleasure, it is possible that the "experimenter" will begin to forbid himself to get pleasure in the future. Talking about this topic will help relieve tension in both the child and the parent, and in this way a general attitude to this issue is formed in the family.

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Here is a spontaneous question. Do you sometimes kiss children on the lips?
It's just that it so happened with Yegor that when he leaves somewhere (runs away to a group in the garden or before going out on the ice), he says "Bye" and smacks me on the lips. I don’t even remember when this tradition began and why, somehow it happened by itself and didn’t attach much importance. And the other day I read an article on VKontakte and thought, yes, there is something in this, it’s better to say goodbye on the cheek. Sedna tried to substitute her cheek, and he again on the lips. Well, you won’t say, they say, don’t kiss me on the lips, kiss me on the cheek.

This article, though I didn’t understand, is it babies that are meant here or not.

Why You Shouldn't Kiss a Baby on the Lips

A kiss is one of the most sincere and understandable manifestations of tenderness and love for any person, regardless of their culture and language. Well, how can you resist and not kiss your own child, if the baby for his parents is the real embodiment of these feelings? As if begging for parental kisses, a child's face, delicate skin, any parts of the body are substituted for their lips. But stop! - it turns out that there are a number of reasons why it is not recommended to kiss a small child on the lips.
And the first of these reasons is medical. The first opponents against kissing children on the lips are dentists. A kiss on the lips is a serious risk of infecting this weakly protected creature with dangerous infections, for which its immunity may be completely unprepared. And this is not an exaggeration. Caries, herpes, numerous diseases of the oral cavity, viral infections - all this can become not only your problem, but also your crumbs' nightmare. Therefore, if you cannot resist the manifestation of tender parental feelings in relation to the child, limit yourself to kisses on the cheek, hugs and stroking the child.
The second factor is psychological. If a child gets used to the fact that a kiss on the lips is a normal manifestation of bright feelings, then he will try to repeat this behavior when meeting with each of your acquaintances, due to his young age, he still does not have a number of concepts about different groups of people (relatives, parents, friends and outsiders). What is fraught with - see the paragraph "medical".
In addition, when the baby becomes a little older, in addition to the risks of a hygienic nature, there is a risk that others may see sexual overtones in kisses with him.
Therefore, it is worth remembering this when you have a desire to show your feelings towards your own child. Based on his own interests, find some other form for their expression than kissing the child on the lips.