My husband left me with the children. What to do? The husband left with two children and went to another: to execute or pardon. He left with the child and is not helping.

A man and woman get married and have a child. Normal situation. But for some reason, it suddenly turns out that this “normal situation” turns out to be an unbearable burden - and the husband leaves, leaving his wife with a small child in her arms. What to do? Branded with shame? Try to get him back? Are you proud to pretend that this person was never in your life?

It is important to understand the reasons why he did this.

Reason 1. Fear

A man sometimes cannot admit to himself that he is overcome by fear. He is unbearably afraid to take responsibility. Now he always has to do something: provide for his family, take care of his wife, take care of the child... This burden of responsibility puts pressure on the man, and he prefers to retreat.

And besides, he is haunted by fear of change - he will no longer be able to live the way he used to, everything has changed, it has become so difficult, and the previous life was much easier and more pleasant. He doesn't want to give it up at all. And therefore, running away is an easy way out.

Reason 2. “I can’t cope”

How often can one hear such dialogue!

Why did you leave your family?

I realized that I couldn't cope.

This is a painful blow to male pride. Feeling inadequate, realizing that you can’t cope with a new role is terrible for such a man. True, he most likely forgot to think about how a woman left without her support and protection will now cope.

Reason 3. He is no longer the center of the universe

Before the birth of a child, a man was the main person in his woman’s life. After the birth of a child, everything changes - in first place is now the little person who has just been born. It is he who receives all the attention, and the husband seems to fade into the background. This change is an unpleasant shock to many men. They do not want to put up with second roles, and disappear into the dawn fog, as if they never existed.

Reason 4. Problems with my wife

The previous reason smoothly flows into this one. He gets tired at work, comes home - and there is no rest, but like another job, moreover, to the continuous screams of the heir. And an exhausted, exhausted wife. She needs help, and the man needs rest. A series of mutual reproaches begins.

Besides, a young mother, as a rule, has no time to look after and care for herself, and there’s nothing to say about her intimate life - is that what she cares about?

This whole situation puts pressure on the man, and he considers it best to leave the territory.

Reason 5. Mistress

As old as time. If a man cannot get something at home, he will go and get it somewhere else. And then, for example, a pretty colleague appears on the horizon. And the man begins to build a new relationship with another woman. Before he knew it, he left his wife and two children.

Reason 6. “Well-wishers”

How often they say about broken families that their “relatives divorced them.” And indeed, when all sorts of nasty things are whispered into your ears from both sides about your “other half,” you begin to think: maybe this person really isn’t right for you? And generally unworthy? And now the family is already on the verge of divorce, because diligent relatives, friends and colleagues said different things.

How to survive after a divorce without money and with a child

Despair and a feeling of hopelessness are what wives most often experience when they are abandoned with their children. It is not clear how to live further, the ground has disappeared from under our feet, so that, as it seems at that moment, we will never return. It is not true. And the ground will return under your feet, and it will turn out that it is quite possible to live on.

Where to begin? Make a plan. Write down your income and expenses, identify resources, understand what and how much time it takes. Set goals. Some goals will cover the next couple of days, while others may turn out to be a goal for half a lifetime.

Start implementing the plan. Perhaps you will look for a job at home, maybe you will learn a new profession (for example, you have a certain amount of money with which you can afford cutting and sewing courses or take up learning Photoshop on your own), or maybe it turns out that you have you have a dacha that should have been sold long ago and invested in something worthwhile.

Stay busy all the time. This therapy saves you from dark thoughts and the temptation to enter a river for the second time that you don’t need to enter. The work will bear fruit - and now you are no longer a “penniless divorcee”, everything is getting better for you.

In your plan for life there must be a place for activities with the child- so that his mother does not disappear into work, but takes part in his life. To do this, you definitely need to find an internal resource.

And the last thing - take care of your health. It's like on an airplane - first you put the oxygen mask on yourself, and only then on the child. Your health is a matter of your and your child’s well-being. If you are healthy, calm and smiling, there will be much more joy and ups than troubles and downs in your future and in the future of your child.

It is important that your son or daughter does not suffer from the breakdown of their parents' relationship. No matter how difficult and bad it is, try to control yourself.

Realize that a breakup is something that has already happened to you. Now you don't know how to survive a divorce, but believe me, it's not the end of the world. Even if now it seems to you that this is not so. Don’t think that life is over - with the departure of a man who, by the way, did not act in the best way, you get a chance to find something new and beautiful in the future.

Getting over a divorce doesn't take five minutes. It's normal to worry. The most difficult period is considered to be the 2-3 months immediately after the divorce. Psychologists advise not to make any radical decisions at this time. Give yourself time to cool down, calm down and look at things soberly.

It is important that your son or daughter does not suffer from the breakdown of their parents' relationship. No matter how difficult and bad it is, try to control yourself. Children are sensitive to your mood; try to provide them with the maximum psychological comfort that is possible in such a situation.

No matter how trivial it may sound, you need to explain to the child that dad and mom no longer live together, but both continue to love him. Tell this to your child so that your explanation fits within the framework of his understanding of the world. That is, speak to him in a language accessible to his age.

And be sure to explain that what is happening is not his fault. The child’s psychology is such that he, as an egocentric person, subconsciously considers himself guilty. “Mom and dad had a fight because I broke a vase.” Remove from him the burden of responsibility for adult relationships, for which he, in fact, should not bear responsibility.

You are hurt, you are offended, you are angry. You experience a whole range of emotions towards your ex-husband, and all of them are mostly negative. But turning a child against his father is a bad idea. After all, he loves him. Moreover, he feels like a person who has half mom and half dad. By saying bad things about a child's father, even if he deserves it, you are essentially turning the child against some significant part of himself. As a result, he may receive such psychological trauma that will ruin your child’s life for many years.

If the ex-husband does not renounce paternity, is not dangerous to the child, helps and wants to see him - let them do it. Allow visits or meetings on neutral territory. After all, a good Sunday dad is better than no dad at all.

You have the difficult task of raising a child without a father. You will work a lot, you will be tired, you will have to do a lot yourself. In this busy schedule there is no place for entertainment, and a single mother often “drives herself”, sooner or later coming to nervous, and sometimes physical, exhaustion.

To prevent this from happening, allow yourself a break. Sometimes an extra half hour of sleep is more important than a polished stove, and a ten-minute walk in the park is more useful than perfectly pressed creases on your trousers. Allow yourself a “reward” at least once a day - get pleasure from some little thing. Three minutes of dancing to the radio. Drink tea quietly for five minutes. With candy. You can also smear your hands with cream that smells delicious. Or wear your favorite sweater. These little joys make a big difference. So don’t forget about them.

Conclusion

There are probably women in the world who simply get over a divorce from a man who leaves his wife and child, and move on with their lives. Everyone else is having a hard time. But guess what? You can’t give up - after all, you have you and your child. It may not be easy, but you will definitely make it.

For women who find themselves in a situation where their husband left them alone with their child, and don’t know how to get over the breakup, there is a place where they can get help and support. Contact the site's experts - and they will certainly support you and tell you how best to proceed. Free for new clients!

Hello readers. The current topic will be discussed now. What to do if your husband left you with two children? It’s a very sad situation when a man leaves and leaves you alone with two small children. Despite the psychological severity of the situation, a single mother has to wonder where to get money in order to be able to provide for herself and her children. A man can feed you with promises that he will help financially and fully provide for the children. How long will this support last? Usually, support stops when he meets a new passion and ends completely if he has started a new family life. All his finances go to providing for his current family and children. He won't need you. He promised and left.

Left with the kids

I think the main difficulty of the situation is stress for children. For children, the father's departure from the family is a strong blow to the child's psyche. We all experience unpleasant moments from time to time. The main thing is to understand that everything in our lives is solvable. You can find out how to survive a divorce from your husband.

At first, you can give yourself some slack and cry. Now, this is precisely the situation in which the release of emotions is justified and you should not suppress these feelings in yourself. Your crying will help to slightly remove the accumulated negativity and pain of experiences. You need to clear your mind of unpleasant emotions as soon as possible by any means necessary. Don't keep all the pain inside, let it out.

Freed your head? Good girl, move on to the next step. Gather your strength and get ready to move on. Don't procrastinate over time. If you drag it out, you will plunge into depression, and it will be much more difficult to get out of it. Think about your children, they look at their mother and empathize with her. You must become stronger for them.

How to live on

Removing panic

Children are not a problem, they are your family. They are the very force that will help you move on. You will move mountains for them. Your primary task is to find a job. If you don’t have the opportunity to leave your children with someone in order to get a full-time job. Try searching the Internet for remote earnings. Now this is quite a relevant opportunity for part-time work. At one time, left alone with a child in my arms, I managed Instagram accounts and set up targeted advertising. Therefore, I say with confidence that you can make money on the Internet while sitting at home with children in your arms. It's better than being left without money and crying into your pillow.

Support from loved ones

Now is the time to turn to family and close friends for support. Don't be ashamed or embarrassed to ask for help. We are all human and can understand the situation. Now the main thing for you is to stay on your feet in what is happening.

Child support request

Did your beloved one go to someone else and forget about you and the children? Remind him that children want to eat. Let him pay alimony for their maintenance. Also, if the child has not reached 3 years of age, alimony is required for the maintenance of the ex-wife. You can find out more about this.

Negotiation

The gap has occurred. We need to solve problems. Since you are both parents of common children, you need to resolve several issues:

1. Who will the children live with?
2. Days and times of meetings with children;
3. The amount of child support and spousal support if one of the children is under 3 years old.

These are the main 3 questions. If you cannot solve them yourself, go to court.

When the financial part has been sorted out, we move on to the moral part. If you still have feelings for a man, you can try to reconnect with him. You can find out how to do this. Again, it all depends on your feelings and mental state. If there was no betrayal, and the breakup occurred because of nonsense. Never try to manipulate with the help of children. This will only make the situation worse.

Self-control

When a relationship ends, both partners are to blame. Don't blame yourself or him. A man, due to his increased importance, will expect that you will ask him to return, no matter what. Don't let him see this.

Show him that you are coping with the current situation. His passing did not affect your life. I understand that it will be difficult, but you can handle it! And you won’t just cope, you’ll be happy.

Take care of yourself

It's time to take care of yourself and your children. It's time to restore your life and improve your everyday life. You should already figure out the financial component of supporting yourself and your children. If your husband expresses a desire to see the children, give him this opportunity. The more loyal you are to him, show him how well things are going for you, that you are constantly positive. Your husband may have a desire to support you financially on his own initiative, even to return to you.

Taking time for yourself is vital to practice relaxation and stay positive. If you have difficulty with this, seek help from a psychologist. Set aside at least one hour a day for yourself. This will help you in recovery. Over time, you will begin to truly enjoy life again. Subsequently, you will have new interests and goals.

• Emotions have accumulated, if you want to cry, cry. Through tears, you get rid of negative emotions and reduce feelings of pain and disappointment;
• Don't suppress your resentment. Experiencing stress is normal. Suppressing resentment will not give you the opportunity to move on, as it will accumulate and consume you more and more;
• Find means to support yourself and your children. Request alimony payment from your husband;
• Do not rush to resume communication with your husband. Make contact with him when you can reason adequately without being affected by emotions;
• Build friendships with your husband. This is necessary for your children and it will be easier for you to receive financial support from him;
• Take time for yourself, your loved one. This time will help you get rid of stress, bring your emotional background and mental state back to normal;
• Prove to yourself that you have the means to a happy life! Children are your motivation and support.

Girls, life doesn't end here. I myself went through a divorce. My husband left me with a small child in his arms. Now I am in a new marriage. I survived this period, met a new husband and gave birth to another small miracle. I assure you from my own experience. You can find your happiness after a divorce. If there are people among you who have good and practical advice on this topic, I will be glad to read it in the comments.

Sometimes men behave in completely unmanly ways and don’t even think about it. So, a fairly common situation is when guys have several affairs at the same time and cheat on their girlfriends. Of course, with age, many settle down and start strong families, but sometimes youthful habits of carelessness in relationships last a lifetime. Therefore, women often face such a difficult situation when the husband left for another woman and abandoned the child. Let's try to help them a little.

If your husband left, then how to start a new life?

Of course, this situation can happen at different stages of marriage. But it is especially bitter for those girls who have only recently become mothers and are especially dependent on their spouse. Betrayal and betrayal hit them the hardest. And in order to recover from the act of the faithful you need:

Refuse self-flagellation;

Immerse yourself in motherhood;

Find yourself a support group;

Believe in yourself;

Do not refuse what is required by law.

Give up self-flagellation

A husband leaves a woman for another not because the previous relationship somehow does not suit him. He just stopped loving his wife and is inherently not a very decent person (if he cheated on his wife and baby). Of course, it’s not easy to come to terms with such a situation, but you definitely don’t need to blame yourself for it.

Some women go even longer and begin to blame the child for the divorce or infidelity, saying that if he weren’t there, everything would be fine. Of course, such thoughts are unhealthy, but it is almost impossible to completely get rid of them on your own. Therefore, it is better to consult with a specialist - a qualified psychologist or psychotherapist.

Immerse yourself in motherhood

You shouldn’t be tormented by thoughts of an unfaithful husband, there’s no family anymore, so give yourself over to caring for the one who really needs you. If the child is at an early age, his health directly depends on the psycho-emotional state of the mother. All he needs is the calm and warmth of his mother. Therefore, do everything possible to satisfy this need of his.

Perhaps it is immersion in motherhood that will help you cope with despair and depression, and put thoughts of betrayal into the far corner of your consciousness.

Find yourself a support group

In order not to go crazy from thoughts about divorce and being alone, betrayed by your husband, with a child in your arms, find yourself a decent support group. It’s great if you have real girlfriends and friends, loving parents and caring loved ones. In this case, you are really lucky; they will help you with your child and give you the opportunity to maintain your sanity without plunging into the abyss of despair. Don't be shy to ask for help when you really need it. And don’t keep your emotions to yourself – speak out at least sometimes.

But it also happens that after the disappearance of her unfaithful husband, a young mother finds herself alone with a child in her arms. Relatives and friends may be in another city or simply be indifferent. You can find a decent support group on women’s forums, of which there are now plenty on the Internet. Sometimes interlocutors, even from the other side of the globe, turn out to be very understanding and able to provide sincere support.

Believe in yourself

Believing in yourself, first of all, lies in accepting and realizing the fact that you can handle everything on your own. And this is not a consequence of forced necessity, but initially your ability. You can take care of yourself and your child, you can raise your baby to be a worthy and independent person. In addition, you will be able to cope with all the troubles that life has prepared for you.

Don't give up what you're entitled to by law

When a woman is holding a child in her arms, this is not the time to turn her nose up and play nobility. If you and the child's father were married, then you are entitled to certain financial support. We advise readers of “Popular About Health” to definitely consult with a lawyer (at least on the Internet) on how to behave correctly, what documents need to be submitted where to receive alimony for the child and for themselves (if the baby is not yet three years old) .

However, if you have nothing in common with the child’s father (you were in a so-called “civil” marriage), consider whether it is worth proving his paternity in court. After all, if a man is actually registered as the father, he will have the right to influence the child, see him legally, restrict his movement (for example, traveling abroad), and the bonuses from this may be very small, if any. Therefore, again, it is better to discuss the situation with a lawyer.

My husband abandoned his family and children - should he be returned??

For many women, it is very important to ensure that a negligent husband returns to the house, to the family. But in fact, you should not manipulate him with the help of a child or try to put pressure on his conscience through parents, relatives and friends. Yes, indeed, under a certain pressure, the husband can return home again, but what will this bring? Constant jealousy, new betrayals, mistrust, and a general deterioration in the atmosphere in the house.

There are known cases when a man who returned to his family against his will became a true domestic tyrant, began to drink, and raised his hand against his wife and child. Perhaps it is better to leave the decision to leave for someone else on his conscience. And in this case, he may indeed return to the family, but you will already be in a more advantageous position.

If a husband leaves a child, then life does not end there. Women are actually very strong and capable of moving mountains, even without a strong male shoulder nearby.

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Hello! It seems that just recently you were rejoicing at the birth of a child, making plans together, and suddenly your husband left you and the children. You are at a loss... For you, a situation in which your husband leaves you with a small child is an absolute wrong that could never happen to your family.

Your husband leaves the family with one or two children - and now the most important thing for you is to return the father to the children. Not a husband for the family - but a father for the children. After all, children are the most important thing. Almost all women make this mistake.
But he hasn’t stopped being a father (whether he’s a good or a bad father, he’s still a father). He left you, his status as a husband is changing, so it is important and necessary to focus on this.

First, I’ll tell you what the reason for this common misconception is, and what you need to do if your husband doesn’t need you and your children. What you will learn from me will help you restore your family if your husband left you with your children. Read this.

Why do men abandon their children?

Men leave their pregnant wives, leave their wives immediately after childbirth, the husband leaves the family with two children. The most striking examples that are widely heard: Arshavin, who left his wife and three children; actor Evgeny Tsyganov left his wife with seven children! And this list can be continued endlessly. Why is this happening?

People are divided into men and women not only by external signs. Each group is clearly assigned a specific model of behavior.

You have heard more than once, and perhaps you yourself have said to your son: “Men don’t cry,” or to your daughter: “Girls don’t behave like that.” Moreover, the smallest baby understands what we are talking about.

There is external identification, and there is internal self-awareness:

• Family: you are a woman, you are a daughter, you are a wife, you are a mother.
• Social: you are a teacher, you are an economist.
• National.
• Territorial.
• Religious
  etc.

There are many points. We won't list everything. What matters in this case is that some social roles are more important to us than others. And here we finally come to the main idea.

For a woman, an important internal role is “I am a mother”. This does not mean that she does not want to be a beautiful woman, does not want love, or does not plan to build a career. This means that she can sacrifice all other manifestations of her “I” if necessary for the sake of the children.

For a man, an important internal role is “I am a man”. This does not mean that he does not love his children or does not want a happy family. This means that he can sacrifice all his other manifestations of his “I” if it is necessary to maintain the feeling of being a man in the first place.

And now it’s very simple mathematics - as soon as a woman begins to treat her husband, basically, as the father of her children, and not as a beloved and, most importantly, desired man, a siren begins to sound inside him, warning of danger.

As a result, we see the following picture: your husband left you and your children and left, and you...

• Wanting to establish contact with your husband, who abandoned you and your children, you remind him of his fatherly responsibilities: the children need to buy something, they need to be taken there, they don’t feel well. You know that he will react to this exactly. You think that his love for children will smooth out. And if not, then move on to the next point.

• Reproach him that he abandoned his children, that he is a bad father, that he left you - and not the children, that no one relieved him of responsibility for their upbringing. You focus on his cruelty and heartlessness, etc.

• And the most extreme option is to forbid your husband to meet with your children: “If you don’t want to see me, you won’t see them either!” It hurts you yourself and you hurt both your husband and children - for whom parents are equally important.

  This is all strategically incorrect behavior, which only aggravates the situation.

What to do if your husband left you with the children?

Let's first decide on your end goal. Do you just want a man with you, even if he is unhappy next to you? Or again have a strong family and a loving spouse?

The answer is obvious only at first glance, since, wittingly or unwittingly, women continue to manipulate children, trying to restore the family.

Yes, there is a chance that your spouse may succumb to pressure and stay with you, sacrificing his emotions for the sake of the children. Only this will not be a family - although it may last your whole life. He will love children and tolerate you because of them. And the saddest thing is that you will feel and know it every day.

The second option is that your reproaches will only cause aggression or complete ignorance. Your husband will stop all contact with you altogether.

He himself knows what he is. He himself knows that this is bad. Your husband, making the decision to leave you with a small child, is already internally prepared for these accusations. Therefore, these reproaches are off target. You can remind him as much as you like that the most important thing is the children, but this will only distance you from each other.

Actually, he went into all serious troubles - he walks, cheats, leaves precisely because his “I am a Man” overpowered his “I am a Father” in him.

Do you understand?

It is very important. This is the key to how to get your husband back, the key to understanding what exactly he is missing.

HowIs it right to return your husband to your family?

If the husbandleft you with the childrenit can be returned! After all, in fact, a man loves his children, he wants a family, he wants comfort. But at the same time, he finds it extremely difficult to perceive that he is now playing a supporting role in his woman’s life. And the man simply runs away from the family, instead of finding out the reasons and finding a way out.

To youWe urgently need to take the situation into our own hands.

Why is it important to hurry? Most often, a man leaves a family with children for his mistress. Only a woman can give him the feeling that he is valuable in himself, that he is the main thing in someone’s life. That he can still evoke emotions, desires, feel that his whole life - until the end of his days - does not consist only of: “You owe this,” “You owe that.” Do you understand?

“I am a Man” speaks and acts in him. Now, due to various circumstances, you have “lost” the man in him and therefore your husband is looking for a feeling of need for these qualities on the side.

He believes that another woman understands, desires and appreciates him. Someone else, not you. And you can visit children on weekends. After all, half the country lives like this.

And that is why we will not return the father to the children, but the beloved man to you. First you are a wife, building a relationship with your husband, and only then you are a mother. As a result, you have a strong family, a loving husband and you are sure that he is happy with you!

Understanding the reasons is only half the battle; it is especially important for you not to succumb to attacks of emotions. Being alone with children is difficult from any side: moral, material - it’s just where you can find the strength and start acting. It is so?

On this page you see a video clip “How to get your husband back.” Listen to it!

I wrote down step-by-step instructions on what and how Withdo so that you can restore the relationship with my husband and returnfather to children.

This technique works!
Even if he already lives with someone else.
Even if you are already divorced from him.

I remind you once again - you are now returning your beloved man to your family. Let him feel it.

Now gather your attention and listen to this lesson!
With faith in you, Maria Kalinina.

Listen to how it sounds: “He left me with the child!” The following picture immediately appears: a sobbing wife with a child in her arms tries to hug her husband, and he indifferently throws his family away from him and, leaving, slams the door! I just want to punish the scoundrel right away!

But if you listen to your husband, he has his own version: “I didn’t abandon my child! I left my wife! Immediately the situation changes and many questions arise: why did he leave? What's happened? Who is guilty? How should everyone live now? Well then, let's look for answers to these questions.

There are situations when the expression “my husband and child left me” is completely inappropriate, although it sounds like a horror story. But in essence, this situation is more scary for men than for “unfortunate” women:

A random sex partner became pregnant. Such a “unexpected” man often happens to rich and famous men in order to get married under any pretext. You can read about such surprises in the article.

The man lived together or simply dated a girl, but was not yet ready to marry. And even more so to have children. Conditions were set, there was protection, but allegedly something went wrong, and it was not possible to agree on an abortion. After all, only a woman can control her body.

The man did not know at all about the pregnancy of his random partner, and fate separated them for a long time. And then the woman found the man. He, poor fellow, did not even suspect that he had a child. I myself have already acquired a new family, children, and here it is - a blow from the past: feed, educate, participate in the life of the baby.

It’s disgusting to watch how all the cones fly on the man’s head at this time. What did these ladies expect if there were no promises, marriage proposals or father's wishes? There wasn’t even a family, followed by divorce. What did they expect? To the indignation of the crowd? For large alimony payments?

Therefore, if you are “in the ranks” of such women, then there is only one piece of advice: raise it yourself, dear, if you so wanted a child. Did you give life to a person just for your own benefit? Then you should be the first to be condemned for this.

There are different things that happen in families - quarrels, resentments, scandals. But for some reason, some women are able to perceive even a minor disagreement as a global catastrophe. Well, this often happens to young families immediately after the birth of their first child. Mommy is in postpartum depression, daddy is horrified by the baby’s yelling and dirty diapers, and even after hard work. Where is there not to swear?

So it turns out that the spouses threaten each other with divorce, and then daddy runs away from home in his heart for some time. Well, it becomes unbearable for him in such an environment! And he cannot take the child with him. And this is what happens to mommy:

She starts calling all her relatives with tears and hysterics that her husband left her and her child, and the matter smells like a divorce.

She starts plotting against her husband: calling him with threats, promising to ruin his life if he doesn’t come to his senses.

She throws a tantrum again when her husband finally returns, and she arranges the entire concert in front of the child, scaring him.

Well, this is still forgivable for young “yellow-mouthed” spouses. The most important thing is that such parents have wise and experienced relatives of the older generation. They are the ones who can explain to these bullies how to learn patience and mutual assistance.

If there are no wise relatives or a good psychologist, then this family can really collapse. And the reason is simple: these two rushed to be a full-fledged family. But most often it happens that such quarrels are harbingers of divorce, but so far without a serious separation.

Family life must literally be built - from foundation to roof, brick by brick. And how to do this - you will read in the article. And to avoid troubles in the family, here is another article to help you:. This is in case you have no one to give you wise advice.

When the divorce has already taken place

And yet it happened. He left, the divorce was filed, and according to the court, the child, of course, remained with you. Now let's look at the reasons for divorce. The fact that you have a baby in your arms is another matter, but first you need to find out what prompted you to run away.

You were the initiator

It was simply unbearable to live with him. He didn’t help in any way, on the contrary, his presence weighed you down and even frightened you. He’s kind of nervous, and as soon as he does anything he immediately starts screaming, or even throws up his hands. He drank from his glass, didn’t want to work, wasn’t at all interested in the child - how was it possible to live with that?

If he really is such a bastard, and he easily divorced you, not caring about the child, then it is better to exclude him from your life after the divorce forever. And never demand anything from him - neither for yourself nor for the baby. Even alimony. Why? More on this later.

He was the initiator

No, you didn’t kick him out, he left on his own and filed documents with the court. I explained this reason simply - it’s unbearable to live with you, but the child is not to blame for anything here. He does not refuse alimony, he wants to meet the child, but he does not want to live in a family where he is humiliated.

If the reason is your character, then be more careful in the future. By taking revenge on your husband for the divorce, you can break a lot of wood, turning the child against the father and not allowing them to see each other. The consequences will be dire. You will also read about them a little later.

Third party influence

This applies to all those who were able to destroy a family and lead to divorce:

Relatives on both sides. So the son-in-law (or daughter-in-law) didn’t like it, and the relatives begin to plot all sorts of intrigues. The spouses should unite and send everyone to hell. But no, listening to other people’s opinions, they could not withstand the onslaught from the outside. Therefore, you have to live with such evil people at a distance - the farther, the closer.

Gossipers and “well-wishers.” Some non-humans simply cannot live from envy of other people's happiness. What kind of fairy tales they can come up with so that a strong family will be broken. Moreover, all the gossip will definitely reach the innocent spouses. The family is divorced, the gossips are gloating.

For many women, the answer is clear - of course, apply. Why should a child suffer without receiving the same thousand rubles from his father, like a tuft from a black sheep? If he doesn’t pay, we’ll find him through the court, through the bailiffs. Or the property will be taken away. And even if he is a tight-fisted miser, he still needs to rob this nonentity to the last detail.

On the one hand, this is correct. But some women can be so short-sighted. After all, this 1000 ruble bill pulled from the father’s teeth may later negatively affect the child himself when he is an adult. And there are countless examples of this.

Earlier, in the chapter on the reasons for divorce, it was already mentioned about cuckoo fathers who did not care about the child from birth. He tyrannized his family, drank, and after the divorce his trace disappeared altogether. He maliciously evaded alimony, no matter what they did to him.

And so, in his old age, he suddenly remembered his children. He himself is weak, and has no one to support him; he doesn’t know how to continue to live. So why not cut off his child support payments? According to the law, it seems that it is necessary if he needs it for health reasons. But will they be awarded?

But this is the rub. If he paid at least a few kopecks every month, then his children will support him for life. He maliciously evaded and hid - he doesn’t care what he gets, but the children will be free. Well, if only in conscience they will regret the father as a relative. So is that thousand rubles worth such sacrifices?

In other cases, of course you need to apply for alimony! If the ex-husband does not shy away from anything and pays regularly, then respect to him. Even though 25% of your salary may not seem like much, it is the law. And gifts to a child from the heart are not handouts, as some women believe.

To begin with, let’s imagine the following picture: a woman is standing at the factory entrance with a one-year-old child in her arms, waiting for her ex-husband to return from work. When he comes out, the woman begins to frantically shake the baby and scream that the child is suffering without a father, and he abandoned him as a bastard.

The child bursts into tears, and everyone passing by shames the father. But in all conscience, we need to take the baby away from the mother and kick her soft spot for such a scene. The child screams not out of worry, but because he is in pain and scared from his mother’s hysteria. And mom is raging for her own reasons.

How a child himself might perceive a divorce from his parents:

Up to two years The baby basically needs that person who is constantly next to him. Most often this is the mother. Up to a year, he may not notice his father leaving at all.

From two to five years he may realize that dad is not around, but he still does not understand the seriousness of the divorce. Dad appears some days - everything is fine and everything is fine.

From five to eleven years- this is a difficult period. The child is already aware that mom and dad will not live and may suffer. Especially in adolescence.

Attention! No matter how difficult the relationship between parents may be, this should not worry the delicate child’s psyche. All clarifications of relations between adults should pass over his ears.

The absence of a father before the age of five can be explained by dad’s workload, but not otherwise. And if dad doesn’t appear in his life at all, then there’s no need to focus on him. But when the child already understands the separation of the parents, then everything must be explained to him in simple words, without going into details: it has become difficult for all three of us to live together, but communication with the father is not prohibited.

Undoubtedly! You can prohibit it in three cases:

If he himself does not want these meetings. Here, ban it or don’t ban it, it’s all pointless. He may be hiding himself.

If there is a threat to the life and health of the child. The father is a usurper who beats the baby, and can also get drunk and lose the child.

If he can steal the baby. Because, for example, he wants to take revenge on you. And then look for them all over the world.

That's all, just this! There are no more reasons. If a child reaches out to his dad, and his father reaches out to him, then whether you want it or not, then you have no right to prohibit it. You can give them dates without your presence if you don’t want to see your ex-husband, or you can go out with them. Or give the child away for the whole weekend.

Under no circumstances set conditions or interfere with their meetings! And sew your mouth shut if you decide to say something bad to a child about his father in order to turn him against his dad. Once again, the grievances of adults should not concern the child.

What will happen if you do this? You will most likely make your child hate you in the future. Children have a good memory. They will remember the negative things that were said to them and will compare it with reality - when communicating with dad. But in reality it will be the other way around!

Organize your personal life

The woman who believes that after a divorce she will now live alone with her child, abandoned by the entire universe, is naive. This is not the film “The Blue Lagoon” with a desert island, this is life with all its society.

There are relatives, friends, neighbors - something new is happening every day. If it is possible to periodically leave a child with someone (even with the same dad), then immediately arrange your personal life. Divorce is not the end of the world. It's just a comma in your destiny. And then you “write” it in a new way.

If you are left alone with a child, then do not give him your whole life without a trace, without allowing him to take a step on his own. No one will hang a medal on you for this, but they can reproach you. And not only the child, when he grows up, but also those around him for raising “mimosa in the botanical garden” (there are such poems by S. Mikhalkov).

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. Like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man - and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

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