Different feelings for the girl I can not decide. How can a woman deal with her feelings? Think about what love is in your understanding

Personal life, relationships, love, marriage - all this is not stable, static and permanent. We can fall out of love, break up, file for divorce. In these moments, we are controlled not only by common sense, but also by emotions, our feelings and intuition.

The same factors affect us when resuming relationships, marriage or searching for new feelings, new love. We cannot love at will, we do it subconsciously, because of this, love is so magical and unpredictable - this is a fairy tale that happens in our waking life.

Men are emotional

Most likely, you have heard a lot about men as purely logical and rational beings who can never understand us, emotional and sensitive girls. Perhaps these words are close to the truth, but can a man fall in love or stop loving at the snap of his fingers?

They are controlled by the same feelings and emotions as us, there is no doubt about it. Men are no less subtle natures, just their subtlety is desperately hiding under a layer of masculinity and severity.

Silent start

So, imagine that you started dating such a subtle nature. He is a typical man, kind of even a good one, you like him and you feel a growing feeling of love, butterflies are already starting to disturb your stomach with their flapping wings.

Naturally, you expect the same from a man, and now, finally, he also shows signs of falling in love! It remains only to enjoy this fairy tale further. It is so?

loud end

No, not really. One day, quite by accident, you notice an incoming message on his phone from his ex. Later, you are told that they were seen together. Even later, you yourself saw them in the store when you were sick and went to the city for medicines.

"Why? What for? For what? Everything was so good with us, he didn’t complain about anything, but he didn’t really remember about the former, he said that they had parted, they didn’t agree on characters ... How difficult everything is!

Your head is bursting with thoughts, you start to blame yourself, because if you were a good girl, then he would be with you, it's obvious! Or not?

He's the only one to blame

Thoughts about one's guilt exhaust themselves over time, and when strength and nerves are already running out, the realization comes that everything is completely different. With whom a man will be, only a man decides. You can only decide whether you will be with him or not. You decide whether to stay or leave.

We will not consider the option of leaving, because you don’t want to lose a man just like that, besides, leaving will still be painful and unpleasant. How to stay sane and show a man that his actions are contrary to common sense?

Answer

It's very simple - leave him alone. If he doubts between you and his ex, it is only because he is not at all afraid of losing you. You are in love and do not want to lose him, this gives him many advantages, unties his hands and allows him to do whatever he wants.

Focus not on him, but on yourself. Be self-sufficient, take care of your appearance, find a hobby or take on a job that brings you pleasure. Do not be a tenacious weed, become a blooming rose that you want to pluck, but only bypassing the thorns. Become less available to him.

If he is really torn between you and his ex, he will understand that he risks losing you forever. He will not want this, because you bloom and shine in your femininity. The former, unlike you, will not go anywhere, because the man will turn all his attention to you.

What to do next? It's simple, you need to prevent a recurrence of the incident. While he admires you, have a serious conversation with him. Explain your feelings, let him understand once and for all that he can easily lose his happiness, lose you.

Do not be afraid to be less accessible to a man from time to time, reminding you that love and affection also need to be earned. This fact will not allow a man to relax and allow thoughts of a relationship with an ex or any other girl.

Source: goodmenproject.com

A woman is the only creature who is inherent in her whole life to doubt the correctness of her choice. Life constantly offers an ever-richer “range” of men, professions, lifestyles, styles and other options for the improvement of existence, which makes it very difficult, if not impossible, to make a single right decision.

But rushing from one temptation to another is also not an option. After all, if you can somehow agree with the exchange of a skirt or a car, then this method will not work with the choice of a life partner.

Those women who are confident in their emotions and feelings may well consider themselves perfectly happy, which cannot be said about those who are heaped with a pile of doubts, reflections and assumptions every day.

How to understand your feelings, test them for strength and not let life go to waste? Read about all this (and more) in this publication.

Where does the need to understand feelings come from?

Often girls, especially young ones, confuse emotions and feelings for a person, which provokes false love. Basically, it occurs when, among a noisy and large company, a young man with the makings of a leader chooses only one lady, which is incredibly flattering to her.

But is it capable of causing a real and lasting attachment for many years? Or is such attention just a chance to feel your uniqueness and exclusivity?

Almost the same difficult situation is inherent in couples who have been in a marriage union for many years. How to independently understand your feelings for your husband, if everyday life ate them almost to the very root, the brightness of sensations and the spark of tenderness went out? Is it necessary to destroy the family and go in search of a new life partner?

To help yourself, and not torment the person in love with you, subject the existing relationship to a deep, thorough and impartial analysis.

Problem Solving Methods

Depending on the circumstances under which the connection appeared and developed, its truth and necessity can be assessed in the following ways:

but on the other hand

It turns out that it is also inherent in the stronger sex to doubt the correctness of their choice, however, this happens to him much less often. How to understand the feelings of a beloved man? Watch him, and by the actions and behavior of the applicant you will be able to understand everything perfectly.

So, you are not indifferent to him if he:

1. gives you flowers with or without reason;
2. trying to meet from work;
3. talks about a joint future;
4. reacts normally to children from a previous marriage;
5. goes with you to his parents, mutual friends, parties and social events;
6. trying to provide all possible assistance in the household;
7. sacrifices his interests for you;
8. avoids quarrels and partings "for a while".

It is much more difficult for a husband who has to solve the problem of how to help his own wife sort out her feelings for him.

The fact is that the stronger sex is not able to keep track of the changes taking place in the mind, thoughts and mood of a woman, men are used to acting "clumsily", through, trying to quickly establish the exact problem, and get rid of it instantly. In the end, things get even worse.

What can be advised in this situation? Do not be ashamed to turn to a family psychologist who will gently and unobtrusively find out the reason for the cooling of relations, and help find ways to eliminate it.

Dear ladies! Agree that it often happens that feelings “cool down” not because of some objective reason, but because of the lack of fire in a relationship. Talk to your chosen one! Be honest with him! Look for joint adventures, get positive charges together - this unites and strengthens the union much more than intimacy.

Harmony, explosions of positive and sparks of passion for your relationship!

04 Mar 2018

Nikita1998

I like her or I'm just kidding myself
Leading on Her availability
I heard a lot about her, I don't like it
That's what I got in touch with
I heard she cheated on her boyfriend
I'm afraid it will happen to me
I'm afraid of her a lot.
God I'm so crazy about her
I don’t feel reciprocity from her, because apparently my thoughts are full of completely wrong things.
I can't figure myself out
I don't know what I want from her
Knowing what she is, I'm just a fool that I'm loaded about this
But now it will just hurt me if I say goodbye, I will just be used by her
I'm getting attached too soon
Too early
As soon as I get my way from a person, in my opinion he becomes mine

04 Mar 2018

Nikita1998

I'm 19 years old, sometimes I stay overnight with her
I come to her
When I ask a question about relationships, she leaves the topic
She says she doesn't know what she wants
But I'm already tired of it
From her uncertainty
I don't know how to behave
I would like some advice on what to do in this situation.

04 Mar 2018

Hello Nikita1998. Could you tell us more about how you met this girl? How long have you been dating, what stages did your relationship go through? How old is she, is she studying or working? And you? Who do you live with - alone or in a family? Do you have parents, what is your relationship with them? The same goes for your girlfriend.

You mentioned that you heard about her cheating on her ex-boyfriend. Have you ever discussed with her the question of her past relationship? Why do you think that if your relationship is interrupted, you will feel used by her? How exactly did she use you or use you now? What do you get from these relationships? What else are you afraid of in connection with your love for this girl? Maybe you are afraid that she might reject you? What do you think she appreciates in you?

You say that you know about your ability to quickly become attached to people. Has this happened to you before? Relations with a girl - not the first for you? Could you explain where you draw such a conclusion about your own tendency to become attached too strongly and quickly?

04 Mar 2018

Nikita1998

We met very simply, just wrote off in one of the social networks. But before that, I knew about her, well, that such a girl even exists
For the past I heard a lot of things
We don't meet her.
We've known each other not so long ago, about a month
At first, I thought that I would not be able to become attached to a girl who had more than 1 dozen behind her shoulders.
We communicate every day
see you
She lives 2 hours away from me.
Lives alone
Own apartment
She is 20
Work/Study
I live with my parents
I study and work as much as I can.
Sometimes I come to her
She lives 2 hours away from me, it's about 150 km.
I sleep with her
Everything is fine
When I ask about the relationship, I hear the answer that she still does not know what she wants.
Maybe I'm not the one for her
I will feel used
Because it seems to me that her thoughts are not at all about me, my communication for her is like a pill from someone else
But this is my personal opinion
I'm afraid of falling in love with her, because I'm not sure about her
I don't know what's in her head
She can be said not from. The most decent girls there are
I often get this
That after intimacy I begin to become attached to the girl
And here she is from those moments when I became attached
Maybe I'm missing something, but when I get it
It's not even about intimacy.
But in communication
To the warmth that I feel from a person
From the very beginning everything was fine

We started talking less
And communication is not the same


Not just fleeting
But serious

Thus tormenting me with uncertainty

04 Mar 2018

Nikita, could you clarify some points in your words, for me they are still unclear.

We don't meet her.

We communicate every day
see you

Sometimes I come to her

What does "not dating" mean in this case?

Lately our communication has been deteriorating
We started talking less
And communication is not the same

Can you try to clarify what has changed in your communication? What has disappeared from what was before?

She tells me she wants a relationship
And we both understand that I can make them be
Not just fleeting
But serious
But she just walks away from this topic
Thus tormenting me with uncertainty

Do I hear you correctly that she says she wants a relationship, but avoids the question of whether she wants it with you? Could you give an example of how she "leaves" the topic?

Question to the psychologist:

Good afternoon!

Yesterday I had a very strong fight with a girl because she was texting a guy behind my back, although she said that they didn’t mean anything and she loved me very much. It seems like they were talking, and he decided to leave us behind. For the last month our relationship has been very strained, and we are trying to get back on track, but somehow with grief over the sexes ... We were three days outside the city, and there was no access to social networks. networks, and there our relationship was revived again, and we saw the old us in each other, but upon arrival in the city the next day we had a big fight. She once again says that she wants to leave and she is not happy in such a relationship, and so on ... Today she changed her mind to take a break and not communicate for a while so that she understands herself. She also says that she loves me very much, but at the same time she has been liking another guy for a whole month, I don’t understand this at all, and conflicts emerge on the basis of this ... I don’t know how I should be in this situation. I'm tired of all this, and I understand that it's better to leave, but I love her very much and I can't do it ... What should I do and what are my actions for the near future? The quarrel took place on 25.06 and 26.06. I would be very grateful for a detailed answer.

The psychologist Sargsyan Svetlana Igorevna answers the question.

Hello, Alexander!

Reviving relationships unilaterally is not the easiest job. Relationships are the work of two, respectively, in order to revive the relationship, it is necessary to have the desire and work of two.

You write that without access to social. networks, your relationship began to revive, but you understand that limiting her communication, controlling her every step is not a way out of the situation. You have made the decision to fight for the relationship, but forcing the other person to do something against their will is a road to nowhere.

Alexander, I don’t know your whole story, but based on what you wrote, we can assume the following:

1. You are a great guy, and the girl is not sure that it is worth breaking off relations with you completely.

2. In your relationship, in the girl’s opinion, there is no former “fire”, hence, perhaps, her desire to make you jealous (communication with another), as an attempt to reanimate the relationship, seem more desirable to you.

Relationships in their development go through several stages, first it is passion, then love develops into affection, respect. The euphoria of falling in love decreases after a couple of years of relationship, and this is normal. It mutates into deeper and more serious feelings. Perhaps your girlfriend was not ready for this, she still wants romance.

In addition, your constant quarrels can also indicate emotional fatigue from each other. It happens that people get tired of each other. You need to understand what exactly is the cause of fatigue. After all, if we draw an analogy with activity, then you can get tired of too much work, or you can get tired of inaction, and the second one is much more tiring. If this is indeed the case, then you can try the following tricks:

1. Return everything that the two of you used to do before.

2. The more joint classes, the better! And this is not only joint entertainment, but also joint useful household chores!

4. Be spontaneous! It's not that hard to bring surprises into your relationship:

Give gifts for no reason and compliment

Stop making “ritual” calls and texts at the same time

Create your own holidays

Change your appearance

Break out on a cultural trip not only on weekends, but also on weekdays

Sometimes do together what you used to do separately

You ask what to do. The psychologist will not give you an answer to this question, if only because only you and your girlfriend know about the whole situation, and in order to be more objective, you need to listen to the other side. Making decisions and implementing them is your responsibility and it should come from you.

Alexander, you say that you love your girlfriend and fight for your relationship, but at the same time, you do not listen to her request - to take a break in the relationship. Why? What's stopping you? Let the girl decide, make a decision. She, after all, is not a child for whom it is necessary to decide how it will be better for him. It is possible that the break will benefit both of you. If there is a fear that the break will turn into a breakup, then try to answer yourself the questions: “who am I in this relationship, do I follow my own interests or fulfill the needs of a partner, how comfortable am I in them, what am I holding on to so much - what is dear to me - what I can not refuse in any way, etc. What do you want? What are you striving for? From her? Push? And given that the relationship will remain as it is now you need it?

My friend and I moved to another city and met a man. He first met with her, and then we had an affair. His betrayal surfaced, there were scandals. A friend even called my mom and asked her to intervene. Many thought that he was not a match for me: lazy, does not earn money, has no interests. But we still began to meet, and two years later he proposed to me. I got pregnant and all the time I hoped that he would somehow change, that he would earn more. But it got worse. He left work, then he started drinking, coming home late, I couldn’t stand it all, gathered his things and told him that he was lazy and dependent and I would not live with him. Now we live separately, he sees his son, helps me. I don't know if I should go back to him? I can't figure out my feelings. I don't get bored, but I get lonely. My conscience also torments me that I took him away from my friend, having offended her.

Angelina, 25 years old

Hello Angelina! You write that you would like to determine your feelings for your husband, however, it seems to me that you are well aware of your feelings for him, you are just not ready to admit them yet. Your relationship history began the moment you left for another city. That is, you fell in love not entirely with your future husband, but with his imaginary image, a memory of him, maybe a memory of how you had a pleasant time surrounded by loved ones.

Then you seem to remain in captivity of this image: "my husband, what he can become when he changes." As if you are in love with this “improved husband”: responsible, active, developing, but not real, real, just waiting for him to change and become consistent with this image. Unfortunately, such a strategy does not work: you can demand, wait for changes from another indefinitely, but this leads to nothing but irritation and frustration. People can change only at will and if they feel the support of loved ones.

In reality, there is only the person who is now, with all his features and shortcomings, what feelings do you have for him? Angelina, you do not have a task to immediately come to some kind of decision. Now you are communicating, your husband is communicating with his son, try to switch to your life a little: maybe you would like to change something not only in your husband, but also in yourself? Maybe there are some aspects of your life that you have not paid attention to for a long time, switching all the potential for change to your partner? What in your life would you like to move forward? What to develop in yourself? What to learn? What new things to do, how to expand your picture of the world?

Waiting for changes in another is usually a thankless task. You can change yourself, and changes in your loved ones can follow as if by themselves. Good luck to you!