Question to a psychologist:

Hello. My name is Alena. I am 22 years old. Have no children. We have known this young man for 3.5 years, and we have been living with him for 7 months. I first met his friends, and then him. His name is Oleg. He took my number from his friends and we started talking and hanging out together. Then we stopped communicating because I started living with another guy Andrey, I lived with him for 2 years. Oleg constantly wrote and called me all these 2 years, but I told him not to call me anymore. And he only began to write messages in contact and on the phone. Just finding out how I was doing. And when the guy started beating me, I made up my mind and left him. Oleg helped me with housing, I began to live with him in a room that he rented, and he lived with his sister. And then Oleg and I started a relationship and we began to meet and live together. At first everything was fine, but then his girlfriends started calling him. Because of this, we quarreled with him. He reassured me and said that they were just friends. His mother also told me that he and his friends had known each other for a very long time and that they were just friends. I calmed down and we measured each other. And everything was fine.

But for 2 months now his ex has been calling him and writing in his contacts. He and his ex-girlfriend have been separated for 2.5 years. He sometimes went to her page and tagged photos. And he notes her photos because he is interested in how she lives - that’s what he tells me.

I started asking about my feelings for her, he said that he didn’t love her and wouldn’t return to her. I believed him.

And yesterday she wrote to Oleg in contact that she was pregnant and broke up with her boyfriend and asked my boyfriend to help her pick up the crib from the store and assemble it. In general, I'm all on edge. I'm very jealous. I asked him not to meet with her. And if they do, I will leave and not disturb them. I just think that he will remember the time when they were together and a relationship will begin. And he will simply forget about me.

He said that he would not let me go and that he loved me. And if I tell him about her, he will help her out of spite. He doesn't like it when I start to blow his mind. Now I’m very nervous, I won’t survive if he lies to me and quietly goes to help her.

I love him, we feel good together, but our relationship doesn’t work out.

It seems to me that we don’t understand each other, if our relationship is like this at the beginning, what will happen next.

Psychologist Marina Aleksandrovna Wildt answers the question.

Hello, dear Alena!

I really sympathize with you in your difficult situation.

Unfortunately, I won’t be able to say exactly what really motivates your young man, since I don’t have enough information in general.

Your boyfriend owes his ex-girlfriend absolutely nothing and you understand this yourself. But there is a human component that is responsible for helping people in some situations. So, your boyfriend can simply help his ex-girlfriend, but of course not in the role of her friend, but out of old friendship and so on once or twice.

I advise you to tell your boyfriend that you don't mind him helping her with the crib once. You also want to go with him to see her. You, as a woman, can support her in her difficult situation.

If your friend’s reaction is positive and you go together, then most likely he has nothing to hide from you and he has no intention of resuming something with his ex-girlfriend. If this idea seems strange to him, then you can most likely assume that he is not being honest with you.

What conclusion you draw for yourself can be determined by your friend's reaction to your proposal.

We've all been through this. You find yourself restless all day, trying not to think about your ex, and then out of the blue you run into her in the supermarket and see her kissing some guy. Yes, such chance encounters are always unsettling, but hearing or seeing that your crush is dating someone else can be very painful. And you may think that your dreams of being with her again are ruined forever.

Just because your ex started dating someone doesn't mean you have no chance of becoming a couple again. Quite the contrary. This third person in the relationship can even help you get back together with your beloved. In fact, you don't even have to take your loved one away from him. How? This is what I will tell you about.

Well, let's now talk about how your ex's new boyfriend can positively impact your chances of getting her back. Very often, after breaking up, people move into new relationships as quickly as possible. You may have heard the term “substitute relationship” before. In simple language, this means starting a romance as soon as possible after breaking up a previous relationship in order to drown out the emptiness and loneliness within oneself. Women are generally terribly afraid of being alone!

If about a month has passed since the breakup between you and your girlfriend, and she has found a new guy, then most likely he is nothing more than a “distraction” for her. Such relationships very rarely develop into serious ones. That is why the term bears such a boring and insensitive name - “substitute relationships”. Most often, these “replacement” affairs simply fade away as soon as they fulfill their purpose of numbing the emotional pain after a breakup.

Just think: if finding a new guy was so easy and only took a few days, then there would be no single people in the world! But the reality is that most people are simply not compatible with each other, and it's very likely that your ex and this new guy aren't right for each other. And, as a result, their relationship will not last long and will reach a dead end. Most "replacement relationships" last a week or two. And even if it takes a little longer, they still fade away after two months. Well, three at most. Yes, there may be physical attraction between your ex and her new boyfriend (sorry if that hurts you to hear). But this does not mean at all that they will love each other and live happily all their lives. Moreover, most likely they will end it all very quickly.

Now comes the fun part. How to use your ex's "replacement relationship" to get her back. We have already said that most of these affairs last no more than 3-5 weeks.

So if your beloved, after breaking up with you, acts like most other girls, then I give no more than a month to this new relationship of hers.

And when she quarrels with her new boyfriend, she will feel just as bad as she did after breaking up with you. Sometimes people take these breakups even worse. Why? Yes, because she was lonely and unhappy when, after breaking up with you, she started a new relationship. And when your ex realizes that she has no future with this new guy, then all the emotions that come with breaking up will simply wash over her with renewed vigor.

But this time she will understand that finding true love and starting a serious relationship is not as easy as she expected. The new guy turned out to be so-so. How many new people will she have to let into her life before she finds someone truly worthy?

Now you see why her new relationship is good news for you. Now that the "replacement relationship" is over, your ex is very vulnerable. And after she's wasted her time in a meaningless relationship, she'll start to think that breaking up with you wasn't such a good idea. “Damn, this guy I dated to distract myself was such a loser!” she will think, “maybe my ex is the prince from my fairy tale?! After all, we were so happy together! And it was much better than this short relationship, which did not lead to anything good!”

And when she starts to think things over and re-evaluate, you will be in an ideal position to restore your communication. And all you have to do is slowly but surely begin to remind her of yourself and what happened between you. And now you need to make sure that your name alone doesn’t bother her. You must become more desirable to her.

And here you can play in contrast if you show yourself in a more favorable light than the guy with whom she just broke up or with whom she is already thinking about breaking up.

Remember that she is still trying to cope with the breakup and feels alone. And by returning to you, she will be able to fill the emptiness inside herself, which has now suddenly washed over her. And, as I said, your goal now is to play in contrast to the guy she was trying to date.

For men, I call this process “alpha attraction.” You need to completely change your ex's opinion of you.

One more small moment. You may be skeptical about this video, thinking that your girlfriend's new boyfriend is not just a relationship to get away with. Yes, there really is such a chance. Sometimes such relationships actually turn into long-term and more serious ones. But this happens extremely rarely and usually girls who jumped headlong into a relationship five minutes after breaking up with their ex quickly cool down towards the new guy.

But if your situation is special, do not hesitate to ask a question in the comments, or take advantage of a personal consultation. I have a lot of clients, so I can’t always take on new people for consultation. But you can always see if there is free space now.

Finally, before I end this video, I want to give you a warning. If you want your ex back, don't do or say ANYTHING that will ruin her new relationship.

Don’t try to arrange a showdown with her boyfriend, don’t start quarreling with him, or start making scenes of jealousy in front of her eyes. Also, don't discuss your ex's new relationship or your intentions to get her back with mutual friends.

All the tricks that I shared today, as well as in my program, should be used unexpectedly for your beloved. You need to develop a tactic and follow it step by step. Like the alpha attraction I mentioned earlier. I repeat, you don’t need to start bombarding your ex with messages immediately after watching. But just slowly but surely restore the attraction that is necessary so that before she even has time to look back, she finds herself in your arms again!

Well, that's all for today. Please like it if it was useful to you. And subscribe to == channel== if you don’t want to miss new videos. Thank you for watching. Good luck to you! See you soon!

Why is she coming back?

You won’t be able to drive your ex away if you don’t understand why she actually showed up again. The most likely reason is “she still loves him.” Most likely, this means that the relationship was not properly ended, and she simply cannot leave without putting an end to it. The second reason is resentment and the desire to take revenge. If the young lady decides that she was unfairly and undeservedly abandoned, she will certainly try to bring the scoundrel back - in order to abandon him herself. Third option: about an ex-girlfriend who became his friend. It's nothing personal, they're just friends. Oh well. And the fourth case is the most difficult. It's called "ex-wife". It's complicated. However, we have detailed instructions for you for each type of ex.

Instructions for eliminating an ex in love

The worst thing you can do is become friends with her. Because a woman in love is capable of anything. She is really capable of being friends with you, then getting herself some boy and being friends with your “families”, and then one fine day you will find her in the bed of your sweetheart, and none of you will understand how this could happen. So all you can do is make your boyfriend call it a day.

Most likely, this will be a difficult conversation for both you and him. Essentially, you are forcing him to go and hurt the young lady who is already suffering. Most likely, he will assure you that you made it all up (ha ha!), that he doesn’t have any feelings (but his ex does!) and that you just need to stop making things up (well, well). Insist on your own. Let it all end.

The most important thing is that you should never try to talk to your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend yourself. You'll feel sorry for her, of course. You will think that she is, in essence, a great girl, she was just hurt by love. You will want to caress and comfort her. And then - see point 1.

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Instructions for eliminating a resentful ex

It is important to understand from the very beginning that this ex does not need your boyfriend. At all. She is not at all going to take him away forever - she is going to take revenge. She hates him - and you, by the way, too, even if you appeared in his life after their breakup. And since she hates you, you have the right to start hostilities. Everything is fair, an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, yeah. So, her main problem is that she feels humiliated. Your task is to turn off pity and finish it off. The easiest way to do this is by allowing her into the inner circle.

Turn on the violet girl mode, offer friendship, invite you to visit. Let the reason for celebration always be something connected with you. Invite your friends and their significant other. Let them make toasts in honor of your love and glance in the direction of their ex with poorly hidden pity. The more actively she attracts his attention, the more pitiful his looks will be. If you have a couple of girlfriends who firmly believe in the inviolability of love bonds, be sure to invite them too: they will also look with contempt. And yes, naturally, you should tell them all and ask for support. There is nothing more humiliating than being in the company of women who are ready to tar and feather you. The ex will run away with her tail between her legs. And you catch her, of course. Persuade him to come again. Whisper a secret that you have a botanist friend who has never had a girlfriend, and he really wants to meet such a bright person. Finish it off, in general.

Instructions for eliminating “just a friend”

First, you need to decide whether you really intend to get rid of it. Because in fact, friendship between exes exists, and there is nothing wrong with it. But attempts to destroy someone else's friendship can lead to you removing not only your ex, but also your loved one from your life. Think again. If these warnings do not convince you, then act.

Your task is to really make friends with her. Get as close as possible. Under no circumstances should you compete with her, you should not try to become like her and thus survive the scoundrel. What happened between them cannot be replaced by anything, because it already happened. Different, not like with you. A girlfriend is not the woman he loves; he looks at you differently. You can't replace her, but you can take her away from your boyfriend. Yes exactly.

Become best friends. Spend as much time as possible with her - go to the cinema, go shopping, have breakfast in a cafe, bake pies together, make an appointment with the same manicurist and read books together. Start a common hobby. Make sure that she has no time left to communicate with your boyfriend, let her communicate with you. And try to sincerely make friends with her - this is important! Otherwise, she will continue to be friends with both of you. Then there are two options for the development of events: either you really become friends and you forget about jealousy, or you still make her your friend, and not him. And at this moment you can quarrel with her forever. Shattered.

Instructions for eliminating your ex-wife

The most important issue is children. If he and your sweetheart do not have children together, feel free to follow one of the above instructions. If there is, accept it: the ex will not disappear from his life until the children grow up. And if he disappears, so much the worse for you: it means that your man is ready to give up children - well, why do you need one? Another thing is that

This is where your relationship begins: long walks, pleasant words, small gifts and surprises. Idyll, and nothing more. But is it really that simple? If your chosen one has a past, then it can remind you of itself at any moment. How to understand that your man or boyfriend has not forgotten his ex?

He keeps gifts from her in a secret place

Small trinkets and beautiful things are safely hidden from prying eyes. They are only removed for a short time and only when you are not around. This behavior suggests that the guy is experiencing strong emotions when looking at these things. It is worth asking him about the reasons for keeping these items and the impressions he gets from them.

Your man is still invited to visit his ex's house

Talking to his ex-girlfriend's family is a strange moment, especially if the relationship has already fizzled out. This behavior may indicate a desire to have a backup option. But, on the other hand, it could just be a good understanding with people. Relationship experts advise discussing this issue together.

The guy mentions information about his ex nonstop

Constantly comparing the current relationship with the current one indicates that the guy is not confident in his choice. It is quite difficult to hear information about how an ex-girlfriend ran the household, made purchases, behaved in society, or achieved a promotion at work. If a guy is not sure that he can build a strong relationship, then the girl should reconsider the situation and take action.

Showing relationships

If a guy leaves notes on social networks, shows in every possible way how happy he is, but at the same time monitors his ex’s reaction, it means he cares. Constant rivalry and spying on each other’s profiles indicate the presence of feelings and the incompleteness of the situation. A new girl should take a closer look and find out who she is for a young man: a loved one or a reason to hook up with an ex-girlfriend?

Frequent communication by phone and on social networks

It happens that couples break up, but people remain friends. If the discord was painful, and the separation was accompanied by negative emotions, then the resumption of conversations on the phone or on social networks is an alarming signal. In this situation, several options for such behavior are possible: firstly, people who were in a couple have common interests and a past, they can remember it, exchange impressions, so communication resumes. Secondly, feelings for the ex-girlfriend have not faded away, she is seen as a backup option if the current relationship does not lead to anything worthwhile.

He likes photos of his ex-girlfriend on social networks

Constantly viewing your profile on a social network, liking photos, and romantic messages to your ex-girlfriend can be the cause of dissatisfaction with your current girlfriend. It’s worth mentioning this point right away and finding out the reason for the increased attention. No matter how well the relationship ends, this behavior shows that the guy still cares about her.

Negative information about your ex-girlfriend

A stream of negative information about a former flame and constant emphasizing of her shortcomings may indicate that the young man is trying to persuade himself that he made the right choice. Angels do not exist, every person has both good and bad sides. A completely negative image is a way to denigrate something that haunts you. This is definitely worth paying attention to if your past relationship lasted a long time.

All the reasons that were described above can be direct or indirect evidence of the young man’s caring attitude towards his ex-girlfriend. The best option for the couple would be to talk calmly and find out their joint plans for the future. If the guy still has feelings for his ex-girlfriend, it may be worth breaking up at the initial stages of the relationship so that it won’t hurt so much. No need to waste time. If the worries and fears were in vain, a calm conversation will show the man that his new choice was correct and there is no need to return to what has already passed.

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