Chechens have their own code of honor - "nokhchalla". This word is untranslatable, but every Nokhcho knows what it means - a set of unwritten rules regarding morality, morality and ethics, which have been guided by representatives of this nationality since time immemorial.

Hospitality and kindness

The character of Nokhcho, who has been brought up by a traditional Chechen family since childhood as a knight, gentleman, diplomat, courageous intercessor and reliable comrade, is a tribute to the historical past of the mountain people.

The living conditions of the Chechens have always been difficult - mountainous terrain, clearly non-resort climate. Hence, the Nokhcho have a special attitude towards the guest, who in ancient times, being not accepted for the night, could die from cold or hunger, from a robber's knife or an attack by wild animals. According to the law of the ancestors of the Chechens, the guest must be invited to the house, warmed, fed, nokhcho will certainly offer the person to spend the night - all this is strictly observed.

Politeness and compliance (to a certain extent, of course) are also in the blood of the Chechens - in order to miss each other on the narrow mountain roads and paths of Chechnya, tact and restraint are vital, otherwise the brawlers simply risk flying into the abyss. The difficult living conditions in the mountains can also explain such traditional character traits of the Nokhcho as mutual assistance, mutual assistance - a Chechen will help his fellow countryman in any case, even at the risk of his own life.

No barins, no serfs

"Nokhchalla" does not imply the presence of any class divisions among the Nokhchos - among the representatives of this people over the centuries of its existence, neither landowners nor serfs have ever existed - the Chechens have their own hierarchical subordination. Even if a nokhcho occupies a privileged position, he will not demonstrate it to others - to show his superiority over others is considered unworthy of a real Chechen. On the contrary, the nokhcho in this case should be especially courteous and affable, so as not to offend the vanity of the other. For example, a riding Chechen is certainly the first to greet a horseless one. Moreover, the nokhcho is obliged to dismount from the horse if the person he meets is older than him.

If friendship, then become stronger

A friend for a Chechen is even more than a brother. "Nokhchalla" defines friendship between Nokhchos as something unshakable - Chechen friends share both grief and joy in half. Nokhcho can still forgive manifestations of inattention or impoliteness towards his brother. But if it refers to a friend, there will be no forgiveness.

Special regard for women

The Chechen code of honor implies a respectful attitude both to the woman herself (mother, wife) and to her relatives. “Nokhchalla” commands the Nokhchos, as a sign of special respect for those who are related to their mother and wife, to dismount from the horse before the village where they live.

Nokhcho has a parable about a traveler who asked for an overnight stay. The Chechen did not know that there was no one in the house except the mistress. According to the rules, a woman could not be a guest, and he himself, if he knew that he was staying with her alone, would never spend the night - according to Chechen laws, to put it mildly, dishonorable.

The guest was fed and put to bed. Only the next morning the Chechen realized that the hostess was alone in the house and did not go to bed all night, she sat in the hallway. When the guest was washing, he inadvertently touched the woman's brush with his little finger. Leaving the house, the Chechen cut off this finger with a knife, thus demonstrating a special attitude towards the honor of the Chechen woman who sheltered him.

Not pride, but pride

It is well known that the Chechens are a very proud and independent people, they do not accept coercion. This is also "nokhchalla". Nokhcho - from time immemorial defenders, warriors. Feeling free and constantly defending freedom is the vital need of a Chechen. At the same time, Nokhcho's love of freedom goes hand in hand with respect for other people. "Nokhchalla" teaches a Chechen to respect a non-believer even more than a Muslim, since it is believed that the Almighty can forgive the offense inflicted on a fellow believer, because the offender and the offended have a chance to meet at the main Judgment Seat. And the injustice to which Nokhcho doomed a non-believer is unforgivable - such a meeting will not happen in the next world, and, it turns out, the sin will forever remain indelible.

A good discussion on the topic is here http://ponyat.ru/issue/b801-chechen-i-russkaya-devushka.html
Here is the beginning of the discussion...

Chechen and Russian girl

he is Chechen I am Russian what future do I have with him?? his mom really wants me to be his wife!!

Answers of site visitors: Chechen and Russian girl

BERRY (Eagle)

Important - Mutual understanding ------ the nation has nothing to do with it ....

Petso (Khimki)

there are no barriers for true love, if you don’t believe and doubt it, don’t poison his soul, just say no

I'm the only one (Novosibirsk)

honey, you are so lucky! the main thing is the blessing of the parents =)))

bullet (Moscow)

Oh, they have a completely different mentality, these are oriental men. Of course, it's up to you to decide, but I'm generally afraid of such brkovs .... not much ...

(****Adil****) (Magnitogorsk)

Honestly? You are very lucky that your young man's MOM HERSELF wants you to become the wife of her son! You know, I almost fell off my chair when I read it)))) It's a rarity when everything works out like that. I have a beloved man Lezgintak, his mother is against a Russian daughter-in-law, although I am of the same faith with him. You know, Chechens are a proud and temperamental people, if your young man adheres to the traditions of his people, then you better study them, and even better learn the Chechen language))) I have a friend who is now learning the Chechen language)))) The attitude towards women is also a little different than the Russians but respectful, I can say for sure!

Yagodkina (Nalchik)

Future? Eat separately from men. And first serve the men's table. and then go for your own. And run around constantly and serve and clean up. They are very reserved about children. Think about it. Of the Muslims, Chechens are the most insidious and cruel.
http://www.christianbook.ru/lib/braksmus.html
http://www.pravaya.ru/idea/20/9599
These are references about women in Islam.
http://www.radonezh.ru/all/gazeta/?ID=497&forprint Muslim laws.

Chechen and a thief in law is an explosive mixture. http://otvet.mail.ru/question/17199258/

Source: I would not give my daughter for a Chechen.

Natalia (Perm)

among Chechens .. to marry a Russian .. a rarity ... maybe this is really true love .. and if your mother agrees .... you need to accept Islam ... in practice, I have never seen Russian wives of my Chechen friends. ..Russians have a completely different view of the family

In a relationship (Nizhny Novgorod)

If he is a Muslim, are you not afraid that he can take a second wife?

Colipso (Bryansk)

In Russia, you can go out calmly, but don't even think about leaving for his homeland. Unless, of course, he is the eldest of the children, because. Muslims have the eldest son as a father and, accordingly, the daughter-in-law is the mistress of the situation

BESTIA-STAR ANTARES (St. Petersburg)

mom wants?

Julia (Cheboksary)

well, still .. registration in Moscow did not bother anyone .. sweep ten times .. it will be hard for you

rex (No city)

fool! you have not written yet that you are a fool! After all, ours will come and kill all the blacks and your bastards !!!

Andrey (Without a city)

When choosing a husband, a white woman also chooses the nationality of her future children. Why don't you think about it?

Mika (No city)

I am also in love with a Chechen, no one is to blame, that the Russian martyrs are weak in spirit. For some reason, behind him like in a tank)))

Ekaterina (Without a city)

I'm going to marry a Chechen. But everything turned out the other way around, my parents are against this marriage, but on the contrary, they are happy with me. His mother calls me her daughter. says that I am a vainashka. I was in their family and I can say that everything depends on the person, not the nation. Women are very honored and respected. For a mother, sister, beloved, even if they just raised their voices at her, they will lay their heads. Honoring the elders, they wrote that they don’t sit down at the table with men, they’re the first to set the table, it’s true, but the trouble is that Russians are also essentially accepted this way, that’s why the girl marries her husband! then there is everything for him, everything for his sake. This is how it is in modern times. When you are alone at home with him, behave as you like, but with his friends, and especially the elders, you need to behave as a real Chechen woman should. And you don't have to wear a veil. A kerchief in the form of a rim and a skirt below the knee. A modest girl, as she should be. So only those who are accustomed to a riotous and selfish lifestyle are afraid of this. Love - DO NOT FEAR ANYTHING. Look at him as a loved one, not as a Chechen.

Doesn't matter (no city)

I also love a Chechen and he loves me and I think this is quite normal. As he answered my question when I asked him if love is possible between us, he said in love all people are the same regardless of the nation

michael (Without a city)

look how these jackals cut our guys' heads off! nonhumans, burn in hell for all of them for their evil! and what they don’t know what they teach their children from an early age !!!

michael (Without a city)

If it were my will, I would make a second Hiroshima out of this fucking Chukmenia of Chechnya, equalize them all there are fucking shepherds, it’s good to fucking learn how to wipe a black ass with paper, otherwise shameful saxauls have stuck their fingers for centuries!

Marina (Without city)

So many different people, and many different opinions. Do you know what you want? Forbidden fruit is sweet. Fortunately or unfortunately, we were brought up with hatred for the Chechens. It is difficult to accept a Muslim just to be with him .You yourself should want this. They take away a woman, but don’t forget, you have to give up a lot - the beach, sweets with alcohol, argue and much more. Yes, many things are easy to give up. If you are still very young. But when you had too much freedom , then it's almost unbelievable. In my case, I soberly understand everything, we are only lovers. Yes, I have nothing to lose. I am independent of anyone. I decide my own decisions. has already broken hearts and how many more will break. Happy for those who from the very beginning everything went right and smoothly. Finally, I still want to say about Russian men. Not all, but very many. Who are looking for brides with a dowry, beauty spiritual and external does not play a big role for them. Rich parents, yes! And this ru Russian men. Well, the Chechens, in principle, they do not hide what exactly they want from you. The choice is yours

amine (Without city)

I love a Chechen, even though he is married. He did so much for me, and I got into bed with him like a fool. And now it's not like that. I converted to Islam, he gave me a name, prayers in Arabic in syllables like with a child. Now I have everything, live and be happy. And he still helps, only respect will never be. Yes, and I won't. And that's who is to blame for the damned Russian mentality and vryatli in Christianity, lust is also a mortal sin. Only he won't forget, and I won't forget, and you can't glue a broken cup together.

Mystery (No city)

I am a child (!), 47 years old, mixed marriage, official. Mom was Russian, dad was Chechen. Six years later, the parents separated, the reason was not in different nationalities. Nevertheless, all my life I talked with my father, I communicate with relatives (although they are all very educated and civilized: three higher educations, academic degrees, etc.). Looking at some of the fathers of my Russian girlfriends, I even felt sorry for them (endless drunkenness, scuffle, etc. negative points) And I have loving parents, even if they do not live together, an intelligent attitude. I think. that I'm happy. Moreover, I will say that I communicate with my second wife and their children. We have a good relationship. So every nation has its heroes and freaks. And the life of my parents did not work out, not mine. Chechens love and never leave their children. So at least give your children a normal father. And the mother of the deceased was the initiator of the divorce, built a dizzying career, and before her death she said that my father was the most decent man in her life, she did not consider and did not appreciate this because of her youth. Love works wonders. Of course, it is necessary to study the traditions of the people (they are of very high moral characteristics), to reckon with the opinion of a man. If you agree to everything, then it can even turn out to be a positive marriage. I don’t know about faith, during the Soviet period the issue was not so acute, both parents were ardent communists. To date, no one is trying to lure me into Islam. I didn't even notice any attempts. Once again, I apologize to all visitors to the site. Perhaps I am very lucky in life, I am just an exception to the rule. Why don't you throw an exception too. after all, one positive example is already someone's life, fate ... Good luck to all Russian girls who decide to connect their lives with "gentiles." Your chosen one must be the best!!!

This is just the beginning of the discussion, see the full link

The Village talked to a Chechen girl who moved to Moscow with her parents about why Chechen youth are more conservative than their parents and how to dress, play sports, get married, protect yourself if you are a Muslim.

About life in Chechnya

We moved from Chechnya, like most families, during the war - I was three years old. Dad was offered a job in Kazakhstan, and we lived there for a dozen years. I went to a local school, where almost all the children were Russian. Then on family business we returned to Chechnya. The father decided that it is useful for children to know their roots.

In our hometown and in the post-war period, and to this day there are no normal schools. All the professors and educated teachers left during the war, and mostly the rural population remained. There is no homework, no proper classes, and teachers often make mistakes themselves. The guys are busy with anything but studying: girls think about dates, guys have their own mind.

But everywhere there are pluses and minuses. One of the pluses is the mentality. In Chechnya, everything is decent: you will not hear any obscenities or rudeness from others, especially from girls. But at first it was still very difficult for me, especially because of relationships with peers. For a long time I could not find a girlfriend: I had absolutely nothing to talk about with them.

Already in the eighth or ninth grade, all girls are potential brides, who are being looked at by those who have sons or nephews. By the 10th grade, everyone starts hinting at you. But the girls themselves do not mind: they go to the weddings of acquaintances, where they are looked at. I think this is due to the fact that young people in Chechnya really have nowhere to get acquainted. There are no clubs, as in Moscow, so relations are built according to established traditions.

About family traditions

We moved to Moscow a few years ago. First, my dad was offered a job here, and then I entered a Moscow university and moved in with him. The rest of my family lives in Chechnya and we visit them from time to time. I did not have any problems with adaptation, because we lived in Kazakhstan for a long time. The only thing that was strange for me was that in Moscow everyone is always in a hurry somewhere.

I have a very conservative family, so we follow many traditions. There are, however, very old customs, to which few people attach importance. For example, until the father sits at the table, the rest cannot eat: we don’t have this in our family. There are special holidays when men eat first, then children, and last women. But this is more likely due to the fact that you need to have time to feed everyone, but there is not enough space.

In my family, everything is strict, but confidential. If you have any problems, then everything is solved through the mother, who only then speaks with the father. In me, as in all Chechen families, festivities are strictly limited. If, due to school or some other good reason, I stay up late, then, as a rule, my dad comes to pick me up.

I can stay with a friend until 20:00. Once in the summer I didn’t see the time and stayed until 21 o’clock - oh, and then it flew into my head! But what can you do? It's dark, and we can't. Although the girls in Grozny go out with their brothers late at night. With relatives, you can even until the night.

I can only bring home my girlfriends, not young people. We have girls and boys, relatives, basically live in different rooms. This is more related to maturation: boys should not know how things are with girls. You won't change in front of your brother, will you?

I am a very religious person, but not a fanatic. Like most people, I have been observing Ramadan since the age of 12. The first time was three days, and from the age of 15 I keep Ramadan the whole month. This is obligatory for every Muslim, if his health permits. Observing Ramadan and doing prayer five times a day is not the most difficult thing.

I don't go to the mosque, I usually pray at home. This is due to convenience: I need some things, clothes. Therefore, it is better that I come home after my studies and do several prayers in a row. At the same time, at home, I can pray next to my brother. The only time you shouldn't pray is during your period.

Now on the Internet and on television there are a lot of frank advertising, films with erotic scenes. Everyone decides whether to watch it or not. This is not followed. You just can't watch these kinds of movies with your parents, relatives, or your boyfriend. Perhaps with a sister, if she is close to you, or with a friend. This is forbidden not by the mentality, but by religion. But even in the matter of religion, no one is following you, this is a matter of conscience. You need to understand for yourself what is bad and not allowed, and what is not.

About Chechen WhatsApp and ISIS

I didn't have any conflicts in Moscow. No one poked at me or whispered behind my back, saying, "Come in large numbers." There are, of course, jokes in my direction. “She has brothers - snipers on the roof. You can’t talk to her, don’t sit next to me ”- they say something like that at the university, but I treat it with irony. For me, national conflicts are the most stupid.

All Chechens in Moscow know each other through one. Everyone tries to communicate, meet, especially young people. Chechens can be found most often in shopping centers: for example, in European, Afimoll or Festival. The older generation goes to different restaurants.

At the university, all Chechens communicate with each other. If you saw a Chechen woman in the stream, then you will communicate in any way. Everyone thinks that this is because we do not consider other nationalities to be people, but this is not so. It is much easier to communicate with a person of your own mentality and worldview: you don’t have to explain a million incomprehensible rules.

Of course, we have conflicts among ourselves, but if there are any troubles, the Chechens stay very united. There is a prejudice that if someone offends you, then your Chechen brothers will immediately come to sort it out. To be honest, there is some truth in this. If a Chechen guy does not know a Chechen girl, but he sees that a conflict situation is happening with her, he will intercede for her. I had a funny story in my first year: a Chechen boy from another class approached me and made a whole speech. He said that if someone offends me, I should immediately contact him.

WhatsApp is very popular among Chechens - almost everyone has it. The application is actively used by women and girls, because WhatsApp is the main source of information and gossip. Otherwise, Chechens, like the rest of the inhabitants of our country, are on VKontakte. Those who left Russia are on Facebook.

I know that many young guys who are overly passionate about religion have a positive attitude towards ISIS (in 2014, the Islamic State was recognized as a terrorist organization, and its activities on the territory of the Russian Federation were banned). They believe that going to Syria is good, they need to fight, protect their brothers in faith and their religion. So this is jihad. But for some reason, they do not remember the words of the Prophet Muhammad (S.A.V.) that in Islam “paradise under the feet of the mother” (apparently, the parable about the man who asked the Prophet Muhammad whether to participate in a military campaign is meant. The Prophet, having learned that the mother of the questioner was alive, said: “Go to her and be inseparable from her, truly paradise is under her feet”). Doing such things without parental permission is a huge sin.

I take all this negatively. I personally saw how many tears the mothers of those children who left for Syria shed - their corpses are often returned from there. The act of a student of Moscow State University is completely incomprehensible to me.

About pajama ban and YSL love

We don't wear trousers: they are considered to be men's clothing. That's why we don't wear pajamas or jeans. There are Chechen families in which girls in pajamas can walk around the house, but in mine - no. Our father forbade us to wear trousers at the age of 11. I can walk around the house in a short dress at home, this is allowed by my father. And if it's cold outside, you need to wear warm tights. Actually, I have one pair of pants for winter. In severe frost, I put them on the street, and then - when dad does not see.

There is physical education in my university, and I go to it. But there are Muslim women who do not go: they simply pay or make inquiries. In Chechnya, in many schools, girls are not particularly bothered by physical education. And in Moscow, everything depends on the father, on the man: whether he considers this normal. If it does not allow, then they take the girl a certificate.

At our school, boys and girls studied together, but the girls did not participate much - they sat on the bench. Then one teacher of Soviet hardening appeared, who forced the girls to at least play volleyball or tennis. Many girls go in for sports until the seventh or eighth grade, and then everything is impossible. For physical education classes, girls put on skirts or leggings of a sports plan, and on top - long tunics.

A real Chechen woman should dress without showing off. In the first place - modesty, upbringing: this is exactly what should be emphasized. A skirt below the knee is obligatory (although now rarely anyone walks like that), closed shoulders and a scarf on the head. In general, I think it is necessary to wear large beautiful scarves that look nobler than kerchiefs, like milkmaids. We were forced to wear such "triangles" in the Chechen school.

In Moscow, I met girls dressed in different ways: someone likes a sporty style (skirt with sneakers), someone in black, there are those who prefer a more classic outfit. Among Chechen women, the Etro fashion house is very popular. Five years ago, all sorts of Chechen firms began to open, one of the most famous is Firdaws. The most important thing is that the clothes comply with the rules, and so many dress in the same Zara. I noticed that girls love Louis Vuitton bags.
And every second Chechen woman has Yves Saint Laurent bags.

The image of a Chechen woman and a Muslim woman are two different things. A Chechen woman shows modesty and nobility with her appearance, but at the same time she dresses modern.
And with a hijab, you cannot show fashion and modernity. It is, on the contrary, such a thing that hides you from the outside world, because the Quran instructs women to “cover their awrah” - all that can cause some bad thoughts.

There is a terrible fashion in Chechnya now: girls buy bright things and wear an insane amount of makeup. You walk past them and you can't help but look, and this already contradicts the very idea of ​​the hijab. You can show your beauty to your family, but in its entirety - only to your husband. Wearing a hijab, you can only slightly tint your eyes. No painted lips - this is already a sin: with them you will cause vicious thoughts.

About dates

My mother was brought up in accordance with adats (pre-Islamic customs and folk legal practices), and she raised me according to them. Therefore, I try to comply with the canon of the Chechen girl, despite the new trends. Guys are now very upset that most of the girls are behaving inappropriately. At the time of my mother, girls would not take it into their heads to be rude to a man, but now many Chechen women can answer in such a way that it will not seem a little.

In the post-war period, everyone left Chechnya for different cities and countries, and the girls were brought up far from their homeland, absorbing a different way of life. If you look at them now, you won't immediately tell if they are Chechens. Therefore, many guys turn on guardianship: this is how they try to preserve the image of a Chechen girl who should not talk to strangers, but should be modest and inviolable. At the same time, one cannot be arrogant, one must command respect.

Previously, Chechen girls did not go beyond the threshold of their house at all - one could meet them only when they went to the spring for water. My mom could already go out on dates. This does not mean that it was possible to hold hands. Everything is restrained: they walked at a distance of a meter, accompanied by a sister or a friend of the girl. Of course, the couple could move away to talk. Mom could go to one, to the second.

The classic scenario of how relations develop between a Chechen guy and a girl is now like this. The guy likes the girl, he gets her number and calls on a date. In Chechnya, everyone knows that a girl can communicate with other guys, only while she is not married, in search. When the couple is already serious, the girl should no longer communicate with anyone. In Moscow, morals are stricter: even if communication has just begun, the guys are very categorical about your communication with other young people. Now young people are walking, but at a great distance from each other. Coming close to a girl is not only ugly, but forbidden by adat. Even as spouses, you should not publicly express your emotions and feelings: relationships are not for the public.

Even if you date a young man for a very long time, you cannot have sex before marriage. It is forbidden both in Islam and according to adat. Even today, non-virgins are viewed as second-class brides. If a guy respects himself and his family, he will never marry such a girl. If a girl has already been married, the demand for her falls. But if a woman is widowed and is faithful to her dead husband, she is highly respected.

I am friends with my mother, but not enough to discuss my personal life with her. It seems to me that it is indecent to discuss this directly. I can hint, but no more. For me, sex before marriage is unacceptable. As before, premarital sex in Chechnya is very strictly condemned. About twenty years ago, his own father could have killed for this. Maybe for someone it is wild, but we are brought up like this from childhood. Leading a free lifestyle means insulting the honor of your family, and this is a great sin.

About marriage

I can only marry a Muslim. But I do not condemn those who marry non-Chechens. Religion is more important to me than nationality. My father, a very conservative person, will most likely insist that the future son-in-law should be a Chechen. I want a traditional family, but without extremism. I want my future husband and I to look in the same direction, so that we have a common goal, he shares my worldview.

My father's generation - those who are about fifty - adheres to adats more than religion. Wives, sisters, mothers can take care of men, carry everything on themselves, and husbands have mistresses. The wife suffers, but is silent - I cannot understand this. For my peers, Islam is above all, they have a more respectful attitude towards women.

It is normal to get married at 20-23 years old. Previously, girls under the age of 18 were given out. If you didn’t get married at 25, then you are already getting offers from men 30-40 years old. If you are already 30, then getting married is harder: often such women marry divorced or widowers 40-50 years old. My parents do not rush me: my mother wants me to choose both the time and the person myself. Of course, they will also look: is he normal, is he from a good family. But they themselves know that I will not choose a bad person. They won't do anything to me if I don't get married. But parents will be upset: after all, marriage and the further well-being of a daughter are happiness for any mother.

About polygamy and Louise's wedding

Speaking about polygamy, one must understand that there are those who perceive Islam correctly, and those who interpret it for themselves. Some Muslims (mainly in Dagestan) take a second wife for themselves so that people do not poke their fingers at her as a mistress. Because in Islam you cannot have a woman on the side, it is punished very severely - a sin. In Islam, polygamy is allowed only if you are a truly religious person and can equally make your wives happy. It's hard.

I am ambivalent about the marriage of 17-year-old Luiza Goylabieva and Nazhud Guchigov, Kadyrov's man. I also understand the difference of 15 years between spouses, when, for example, a woman is 40, and a man is 55. Women age earlier, and it will look normal, especially with age. But when is there such a big difference between people? It is undeniably clear why he needs such a young woman.

The age difference confuses me as much as the fact that this is the second wife. Although there are different situations. For example, you already have a young wife and you take some older widow under your wing for noble purposes.
And here it is clear for what purposes. I can't justify it at all. Even if there are some feelings there, it seems to me that the girl is very naive: she was seduced by money, status. Apparently, she did not think that everything would go so far.

Louise's wedding was not traditional. We don't go to the registry office. All my friends said: “They would have shouted “Bitter!” All this is a political move. And the bride's face, murdered, as at a funeral, is too much. Even Western countries are already aware of this situation.

I have been to traditional Chechen weddings many times. According to Chechen custom, the bride at the wedding should not show any emotions: marriage for her means separation from home. It's basically a sad event and the bride's side doesn't celebrate anything, they give the bride away. Celebrates the side of the husband.

In Chechen customs, it is not the guy who proposes, but the girl. She gives a ring or something of her own as a promise that she will not marry anyone else.
And if you later change your mind and get ready to marry someone else, the first one can come and pick you up, presenting this thing. Relatives will not be able to do anything: it’s her own fault, since she promised. Otherwise, you bring down the honor of the family.

During the engagement, usually one of the elders - a brother or father - comes to the girl's house, talks with her father, and informs about intentions. As a rule, the girl's father is not aware of her relationship, if his wife did not tell him. The father and daughter never discuss the topic directly. If I have a young man, I will not tell my father: it’s impossible, it’s ugly.

About contraception and divorce

After marriage, all communication between a woman and other men completely stops. Only in ten years some conversations are possible.
According to adats, a woman is supposed to be silent and obey a man. The wife should advise and help, be a support, but the last word is for her husband.

There are several options for the behavior of a Chechen wife: either she makes it clear that everything is decided by a man, and she is in the background, or she manipulates her husband, but it looks like he is again in charge. There are also partnerships in families, and all issues are resolved jointly.

Divorces are not practiced in Muslim law. They are out of the question. If you have any problems in the family, you must endure and not complain. Previously, women were even beaten - there are especially many such stories in the older generation. Now this also happens occasionally. If your husband beat you, it is not advertised. Previously, they didn’t discuss this with anyone at all and lived on with such a man. If everything is bad, you can go back to the family. But if you got married without the approval of your parents, you will not be accepted back: it is your own fault. We rarely register marriages in the registry office, so formally there are no problems with divorce. But if you have registered, you can leave with your family without applying.

To be protected or not is a private matter for everyone. Now young and adequate people use contraceptives. In Islam, as far as I know, there is no prohibition on this. The main thing is that everything happens in marriage. It is not necessary that there be 20 children in the family: let there be one, but well-bred. In Islam, everything is very simple and logical, and good things are not forbidden. It's just that some people complicate Islam itself.

In Islam, a pregnant woman and a mother are of great importance. Abortion is prohibited, but there are caveats in the Quran. Abortion is allowed, for example, if the pregnancy threatens the woman's life. If the term is rather long, a woman can sacrifice herself - and she will be in paradise for such an act.

In the event that a child can be born disabled, abortion is categorically impossible: everything is the will of the Almighty, the child can recover. And if a disabled person was born, then this is a test from the Almighty and you need to pass it with dignity. A disabled person also has the right to life, and making him happy, according to Islam, is also possible.

The wife should advise and help, be a support, but the last word is for her husband. If you have any problems in the family, you must endure and not complain

About career

From time immemorial, it was believed that all responsibility for the family lies with the man, so earlier Chechen women did not work. It was believed that if a woman wants to work, then her husband does not provide enough. The men felt humiliated for this.

Now everything has changed, and our women have the opportunity to work. It all depends on your desire, and the guys are more relaxed about this. Of course, men want to feel comfortable at home, and therefore the house always comes first. You can work, but the house still has to be prepared and cleaned. A husband, coming home from work, should not think anything bad.

I am currently studying and plan to work in my specialty in the future. I hope that the person with whom I want to connect my life will not mind. I believe that work should be for the soul, and not for the sake of money. Chechen girls study a variety of specialties, but the main thing at the same time is not to go beyond the bounds of decency. A Chechen woman may well become a journalist.

There are professions that Chechen women could not even think of ten years ago. For example, working as a model in a Chechen fashion house. There is nothing like in the global modeling industry, but before that it seemed unrealistic. Now in general there are a lot of talented Chechen photographers, artists, creative people. Before, it seemed strange: they say, you are a Chechen and you do this. In our homeland, the great Esambaev was not even accepted (Makhmud Esambaev is a Chechen ballet dancer, actor and choreographer).

Now Chechen men are interested in educated wives. Maybe it’s easier for someone to buy a diploma for their woman so that she spends less time at the university. But usually a man is only for if a girl gets a higher education.