Is it worth visiting? How to visit in order to be considered a good guest Rules of behavior when visiting for children.

All nations have proverbs and sayings about hospitality, and these sayings sound something like this: “A guest in the house joy in the house.” But here it is very important to determine which guest and which house.

You can come to visit without warning only in case of emergency or urgent matter. Even the closest people should not appear “out of the blue.” Of course, our relatives and close friends are happy to see us at any time, but with an unplanned visit we can disrupt their plans, cause inconvenience and put ourselves and our owners in an awkward position. There is another saying about such guests: “An uninvited guest is worse than a Tatar.” Therefore, you should always warn about your visit by calling at least half an hour before your appearance (or better even earlier) and ask if it is convenient for the hosts to receive guests. And if you go to visit on your own initiative, you should definitely bring something for tea.

But in order to visit strangers, just a warning is not enough. It is necessary to have a specific invitation, agree on the time of visit and know exactly the nature of the event, so as not to show up to a birthday without a gift, but to a country walk in full dress.

How to behave if you nevertheless come without an invitation and without warning? First, you need to apologize for the unexpected visit. Secondly, ask if the hosts can give you some time. Third, be prepared for the fact that they have other plans for that day and you will have to leave in 10-15 minutes, and without any offense. Even if the hosts smile politely and cordially invite you to tea, if you see that you have arrived at the wrong time, you need to leave immediately. You can come up with an excuse and remember the urgent matter, but the best and easiest way is to apologize for the disturbance and arrange a new meeting at a more convenient time.

If an unplanned visit occurs during lunch or dinner and the hostess invites you to the table out of politeness, it is best to thank and refuse, citing the fact that you have recently eaten. But if the housewife is persistent and puts another device on the table, she should not persist. And it is indecent to leave immediately after eating - it will look as if you just came to eat, like in a cafe.

In general, you should try not to come during lunch or dinner. And also do not visit too early or too late. If a specific time has not been specified, you should show up no earlier than 12 noon and no later than 8 pm.
From time immemorial, Russian people have been distinguished by their hospitality; this was noted by all foreigners. Even according to the strict “Domostroy”, visiting, that is, visiting and receiving guests, was considered a respectable occupation. Moreover, it was the only acceptable entertainment for respectable people since the Middle Ages.

But the attitude towards uninvited guests was ambiguous. In many countries in ancient times, a guest was considered a messenger of God, and he was received joyfully and with respect. But, for example, in England, ideas about uninvited guests are completely different: uninvited guests are very undesirable, especially at Easter and Christmas, because, according to ancient beliefs, they can bring trouble to the house. It is customary to celebrate these holidays in a close family circle.

Everyone goes to visit, but not everyone thinks about how to do it correctly. But even in this area there are some peculiarities of etiquette that will help you understand how to visit guests correctly and make sure that you are welcome in any home.

Advance Warning

If you are going to visit not by invitation, but on your own initiative, the owners of the house must be warned in advance. Fortunately, today this can be done easily, for example, by contacting them by phone or email. You don’t need to present the owner with a fait accompli, but rather clarify whether he can receive you and when he is ready to do so.

If for some reason you have to cancel your visit, try to notify the hosts as early as possible and don't forget to apologize.

Punctuality and tact

You need to arrive at any place on time, even if you are going to the closest people who will be completely calm about being late. If for any reason you have to be delayed, be sure to notify those waiting.

When and how to visit, how much time to spend on it? In this matter, it is necessary to be guided by a sense of politeness and tact.

• People do not visit early in the morning or, conversely, late in the evening. The ideal time is evening on weekdays and afternoon on weekends.
• In the case of a friendly dinner, it is better to leave the house no later than 22-24 hours.
• If you were invited to a party, try to leave with the main flow of guests.
• A business conversation or other formal visit should not last longer than 2 hours. In most cases, a quarter of an hour is enough for this.
• The visit should not be shorter than 15-20 minutes, even if you “just popped in to say hello.”
• Pre-holiday days are not the best time for spontaneous visits.

If the hosts invited only you, you should not bring third parties with you - colleagues, friends and acquaintances. There are exceptions, for example, if there is no one to leave a child with or relatives suddenly arrive. But such a “group” visit should not be a surprise to the hosts. Under no circumstances should you take animals with you.

Not empty handed

It has always been believed that it is worth visiting someone's home with a small gift, which does not have to be expensive. A bottle of wine, chocolate or a modest bouquet for the hostess is perfect. If there are small children in the house, you can buy something for them, for example, a small toy or sweets.

“Whoever goes to visit in the morning acts wisely,” said the hero of one of the animated films, Winnie the Pooh. One cannot but agree with his words. Pleasant communication with friends, a lot of good mood and other advantages - this is what another visit can bring. However, there are points that need to be taken into account if we decide to go to someone for such friendly communication. Let's try to consider some of the subtleties further.

Man was created in order to communicate with others. This proves our innate desire to connect with others. Even the loneliest people, if they don’t communicate for a long time, lose their human appearance. Like a flower that withers without water and the warm rays of the sun, we cannot live for a long time without friends, without recognition, without communication. It is important for us that someone says: “Well done, good!” If this is not the case, a person's self-esteem may suffer, and he may even lose interest in life. It is precisely for this reason that you need to visit each other - after all, this is one of the ways to satisfy your need for communication.

What can replace a pleasant evening spent with friends over a cup of hot tea? What could be better than an intimate conversation between two friends? Of course, you can also socialize in nature, walking in the garden or somewhere else, for example in a museum. However, what a warm atmosphere there is in a cozy family environment! Well, who doesn't like to be invited to visit?

On the other hand, you need to show balance. If we remember the above-mentioned Winnie the Pooh, who, together with his friend, ate all the food from the rabbit, then you can notice one bad extreme. In the parables of Solomon, long ago, it was written: “Let not your foot often set foot in your neighbor’s house, lest he be fed up with you and hate you.” Ask yourself: Do you like it when friends become so attached to you that they prevent you from leading a calm family life? Do you always like friends who come uninvited? Of course, there are different situations and different friends, but in everything you need to remember balance. There is no need to do to another person what we ourselves do not like.

If you go to visit, you can do something to please the owner of the house. Does he have children? You can buy something for them. What does the owner like? It could be a simple gift or something for tea. If you think carefully, you can fit into your budget and at the same time come up with something original.

In order for someone to be happy to see us as a guest, ask yourself how often do you show hospitality. When was the last time your invitees visited you? On the other hand, it would be foolish not to go to a social gathering just because you don't want to embarrass someone. If you do not accept the invitation, you may hurt your friend's or acquaintance's feelings. But, if during communication there will be a revelry or you think that this will ruin the mood for you and others, then you have the right to decide that this visit should be postponed. The decision is yours, and we hope that this article will help you in your choice.

You need to visit in the right way. This will determine whether you will be invited again or avoided in every possible way. The article will give advice on what to take, how to behave, and how to refuse culturally.

Going on a visit is an event, although rare today, but very important. Your subsequent visits to this house depend on how you behave when visiting and whether you follow the rules of good manners.

The same applies to the hosts - guests will happily come again if you welcome them warmly. To prepare for this event properly, it is important to know some simple rules and adhere to etiquette.

What to buy when you go on a visit?

It is indecent to go on a visit empty-handed. But not every gift will come in handy.

If you are not very close to those you are visiting, do not visit with the following gifts:

1. Very expensive things. An expensive gift obliges the owners and implies a return gift.
2. Cosmetics or hygiene products. Such things are chosen individually and may simply not be suitable
3. Dishes, decorative elements. Many people don’t like random things in their home and carefully think through the interior

What then should you take as a gift? Perfect for:

1. If there is a child in the house, be sure to buy sweets, fruits or a toy.
2. It is advisable to give flowers to the hostess of the house. It doesn't have to be a luxurious bouquet, a modest bouquet will suffice
3. You can also take a cake, tea, a bottle of alcoholic drink, something you made yourself

What to cook when visiting?

In Europe it is considered the norm for guests to bring their own food. In our country, this rarely happens. Usually the hosts treat the guests. Guests may bring their own food in some cases:

• If you have known each other for a long time and agree on dishes in advance
• If this is a large close-knit company and, again, by agreement
• If you are asked to take something with you

If you have not been asked to prepare food, do not do so on your own initiative. In the end, this may offend the hostess.

But if you decide to take food, remember that your dish should not overshadow the treats of the hostess of the house. Therefore, think in advance what to cook when visiting. Food should be uncomplicated, as the rules of good manners say. For example:

• Salad
• Sliced ​​foods (cheese, sausage, ham)
• Appetizers on skewers
• Cake, pastries

Going to visit with children: what can a child visit and what can’t?

You can come to a house where there are children with your children without the consent of the owners. If you are going to a place where there are no children, then agree on this point. If the child is quite an adult, explain to him the rules of behavior in someone else’s house:

1. You cannot take any things without permission
2. Jumping on beds, sofas, armchairs is taboo
3. It is also not allowed to be in rooms where there is no one

If the child is just a toddler, the parents' task is to monitor him. It’s unlikely that anyone will like broken figurines, overturned flower pots, a scared cat under the sofa and other “cute” pranks of the little ones.

A child should not run around in a T-shirt tucked into tights. You're dressing up. The child should be dressed comfortably, but at the same time smartly.

I’m going to visit: what should I buy my child?

As mentioned above, visiting a child without a gift is indecent. A gift for a child depends on his age:

• A rattle is suitable for the baby
• Older children can buy fruits, sweets, toys

Important: It is better to agree in advance whether the child can have sweets. Many children are allergic to chocolate and citrus fruits. Also choose a toy according to the child's age, otherwise he will not like it.

Let's go visit: rules of etiquette

When visiting, follow the rules of etiquette:

• If you come to visit and see your friends there, do not rush to smile at them and exchange greetings. First of all, greet the hosts.
• Don't rush to meet strangers in the house, let the owners introduce you.
• Don't walk around the house uninvited. If the owners decide to give a tour of the house, compliment their taste.
• Don't come visit with your friends unless they're invited.
• Do not take things without asking and do not twirl figurines, souvenirs, or other little things in your hands, do not open cabinet doors.
• Please sit at the table only by invitation.
• If you are left alone in a room, wait for the owners while standing.
• Compliment the hostess's cooking skills.
• Even if you don't want to eat, out of decency you should eat at least a little. Your refusal may offend the hostess.
• Don't stay too long if you see that the owners are tired. You can stay as a guest until a maximum of 23.00. Exceptions are weddings and New Years.
• Don't stand at the threshold saying goodbye for a long time. They thanked us, got dressed, said goodbye, and left.
• Be sure to let them know that you successfully got home and thank them again for the invitation.
• Cultural guests make a counter-invitation. If it is not possible to invite you to your home, then they invite you to a cafe or cinema.

What to take to visit your boyfriend?

• If a guy invites you over, ask whether he will be home alone or with his parents. In the second case, take care of a gift for parents
• It could be sweets, flowers for mom, a cake. If you are alone, prepare something with your own hands, this way you will show your best side
• You can buy some minor but useful gift for your boyfriend. What exactly it will be depends on the guy’s interests. He might like a world map or a new computer mouse.

I'm going to visit a girl: what to give?

As for men, they should also think in advance about a present for relatives and their chosen one. Be sure to present your mother and girlfriend with a bouquet each. In addition, you can take cake, sweets, delicious tea in beautiful packaging.

Guys, remember, not all girls love soft toys. Keep this in mind when you visit.

Should you always take flowers when visiting?

Flowers may not be purchased in certain cases:

1. You are going to a man
2. The hostess doesn't like flowers
3. You go to your close friends to sit in a cozy family atmosphere
4. You came unexpectedly or did not make an appointment in advance

In the event that you are going to an official event (wedding, birthday, christening), you need to buy flowers.

Sister goes to visit brother: what to take with her?

If relatives go to visit each other, it is easier to decide on gifts and treats. It is important whether the brother is married and has children. Provide nice gifts for family members.

You can buy clothes, toys, and sweets for children. For my husband's wife - cake, tea and coffee, her favorite flowers. You can cook your brother’s favorite dish, buy a treat for tea.

I don’t want to go visit: what can I say?

There is nothing worse than promising to come and not showing up.

If you cannot come, please let us know in advance, preferably not on the day of your visit, but several days in advance. If there is a good reason, tell the truth. Eg:

• Urgent matter (explain which one)
• Illness of you or your loved ones
• Urgent work matters

Never say:

1. That you have changed your mind and are going to visit others
2. What do you host?
3. That you don't have money for the visit

If there is no specific reason for not wanting to visit, you still need to refuse in a cultural manner. For example:

• Call it a headache
• Say that there is a breakdown at home and plumbers, electricians or other services should come
• Say you're out of town if you travel frequently. But in this case you shouldn't get caught

Be sure to express your regret and apologize.

You can tell your close friends the truth. For example: “I don’t want to spoil everyone’s mood and holiday, since I’m going through hard times.” Friends will definitely understand and support you.

Toast to the assembled guests

Toasts are usually made at the table. You can say it in your own words, in prose or poetry. Options to note:

“I want to say a toast to the guests,
For family and friends.
You allow in your honor
It's a fun toast to read to you.
To wish you good health -
This is the first. Second -
Wish you fulfillment
All your hopes and accomplishments!”

“I propose to drink to the guests who bring so much joy and fun to our home! It’s scary to even imagine how uninteresting and boring our life would be without guests. How pleasant are the worries and troubles, the noise and fun during those festive moments when we are expecting guests! Today I raise my glass to our pleasant and welcome meetings, to dear guests visiting us with joy, to Happiness and Joy never leaving our home. To welcome and long-awaited guests!”

“With all my heart I want to thank the guests gathered at this festive table. Thank you for sharing this celebration with us, for your generous gifts and kind words. Be happy, dear guests!”

Receive guests warmly and cordially, visit with a good mood and nice surprises. Then your life will become brighter and more interesting, and there will be people in it who can share your joys and sorrows.

Video: rules of etiquette at a party

We constantly pay some visits - we are invited to birthdays, holidays, just to visit.

And it would seem that what’s wrong with this - we were invited and we came, but in fact there are several rules, by observing which we make our visits comfortable for the inviting party. And if we leave a good impression, we will be invited again and again.

Arrive on time

Arriving early is even worse than arriving late. Imagine - the housewife in curlers and a robe rushes around the apartment like a saiga - setting the table, stirring something on the stove, at the same time putting on makeup and ironing her festive outfit. And here you are - half an hour before the appointed time. And the hostess appears before you angry and disheveled, because you did not give her the opportunity to appear in all her splendor. Therefore, if you realize that you have arrived earlier than the agreed time, either call and warn that you are already on the doorstep, or, and this is the best option, take a walk around the nearest shops. Believe me, even if you are going to your best friend’s birthday, your early arrival will not improve her mood. It’s another matter if you agreed in advance that you will come and help.
Now about the delays. Usually, if a lot of people gather, it is customary to set the time of the visit not for a specific hour, but, for example, from 16.00 to 16.30. And it’s impolite to exceed the half-hour limit. During this half hour, the guests will communicate with each other, and then your absence will become very noticeable - not everyone believes that seven people do not expect one thing.

By the way, there is a little secret - if in your environment there is a person who can quite rightly be called a “chronic late person,” then invite him half an hour or an hour before the general meeting - then everyone will gather on time. Only in this case, you will need to be prepared in advance, at least, if not fully prepare and set the table, then at least get dressed and comb your hair. But no one will wait for anyone.

Leave on time

There is a wonderful phrase: guests, aren’t you tired of your hosts? So, even worse than arriving at the wrong time, leaving when the owners are already yawning with all their might, their eyes are dull, the conversation is sluggish, and the fun has long since faded away. It’s rare that anyone can say openly that the holiday is over and it’s time to leave. Therefore, be sensitive to the mood of the hosts, do not abuse their hospitality. In general, it is the height of indecency to be the last to leave. Unless, of course, you were asked to stay, for example, to chat privately. Signals that it is time for guests to take their leave are considered to be: the hostess begins to clear the table and wash the dishes, recalls some cases when she overslept and was late for work, and often looks at her watch. Some people also say to the remaining guests: excuse me, do you mind if I change my clothes (take off my shoes).

On average, a visit should last no more than 4 hours. Foreigners are more specific in this regard, or rather, they have a certain etiquette - they often themselves indicate that the party will last, for example, from 17.00 to 20.00, or invite “for coffee”, “for pizza”, “for a glass of wine”. And the invitations themselves strictly regulate how long a guest can stay.
Another unacceptable behavior when visiting is getting stuck in the hallway. It seems that you have already said goodbye, got dressed, the door was opened for you, but you just can’t stop talking. Guests get bored without their hostess or flock to the corridor to listen to what you are talking about. It’s awkward for everyone – the hostess, because she gets the feeling that she’s sending you away. The rest of the guests, because they don’t know what to do with themselves. And for you, since you already have a bag in your hands, and it’s hot in your outerwear, and even half of the entrance is aware of your affairs and problems. If you have already said goodbye, then leave quickly. Otherwise, it turns out like in that saying - the British leave and don’t say goodbye, but the Russians say goodbye... and don’t leave.

By the way, if you find yourself in a situation where you really want to sleep, and the guests, as if on purpose, have decided to live with you forever, you can resort to a little trick: say that you really want to take a walk, and at the same time see the guests off for a while. Or ask a good friend for help, tell her honestly about your fatigue and ask her to take guests with you.

Don't come empty-handed

Even if you are going to a birthday party and bringing a gift and flowers, it is not always appropriate to limit yourself to such a set. If there are children in the house where you are going, you should definitely bring something for them too. A chocolate bar or a fun inexpensive toy will be enough. If you are going to a family where the hostess is your friend’s mother, do not forget about a gift for her. You don't have to buy something expensive; you can bring a small rose or a box of chocolates. This will show your respect.

If you come to see his wife, daughter or mother, it is not customary to give gifts to a man, but if the owner of the house had a birthday or professional holiday the day before, it is still worth giving something.

If there is a holiday coming up, for example, New Year or March 8, which you will celebrate outside the home, you will have to spend money - gifts are usually given to everyone who is invited to this holiday, to the hostess and her family members. If you and your friends don’t chip in while putting together a festive table, but come “to have everything ready,” it’s appropriate to bring something to the table with you - it could be a bottle of wine, a jar of homemade preparations, and a piece of good cheese.

Don't set your own rules

Never be capricious. The words: I don’t eat this, this wine doesn’t go with fish, I’m on a diet - a taboo for a good guest. If you drink a certain drink, those who invite you do not have to know or remember about it. And if no one else drinks, for example, dry white wine except you, it’s not a fact that it will end up on the table - everyone has different financial capabilities, and not everyone can fake it to suit the tastes of each guest. Therefore, bring a bottle of your own drink with you so as not to embarrass the hosts.

The same goes for food. You should not loudly discuss the calorie content of the dishes served on the table, emphasizing that you do not eat salads dressed with mayonnaise or fried meat. But if you have good reasons not to eat everything that is offered, it is quite appropriate to ask in advance what the hostess is going to cook and draw conclusions. If you are close friends with her, you can ask her to make something of what you eat. And if you just have a friendly relationship with her, then again it’s better to bring something with you.

Never criticize the hostess’s cooking; it is very impolite to start talking about how you yourself prepare this or that dish. Even if you are actually a more skilled cook than she is, you shouldn’t advertise it.

At birthday parties, it is inappropriate to pull the blanket over yourself, that is, to become the center of attention, distracting other guests from the hero of the occasion. Those who, from the first minutes of the visit, begin to loudly brag about their successes, talk about their lives, and involve everyone in the conversation, they try to invite them as rarely as possible, since people gather to honor the birthday girl (birthday boy) and communicate, and not listen to the monologue of one person. This applies to any holidays in general, unless you are a professional toastmaster, who was invited only to entertain guests.

Even if you come to a house that you have visited since childhood, it is unacceptable to climb into boxes, pick up trinkets, open books, and even more so, look into someone else’s refrigerator. You are on foreign territory, so it’s worth asking even what towel you can use to wipe your hands. And even more so, before “touching” any of the owners’ things, you must ask permission.
Maybe you will say that you haven’t read anything new for yourself, and that everyone, without exception, behaves in a similar way, that is, like well-mannered people. However, unfortunately, this is not the case. As practice shows, there are people who take the words “make yourself at home” too literally. They get into the personal belongings of their owners without asking, open gifts that are not intended for them, say goodbye and do not leave. And if you knew how many people stopped communicating precisely because of such seemingly trifles. When such behavior is observed once, it can be forgiven, not noticed, and explained logically. But when someone indulges in such “shoals” systematically, the desire to invite him somewhere disappears. So be a good guest, and then there will be no end to invitations.