Little Buddhas and their parents. Irina Khrustaleva - flying misunderstanding

Reprinted with permission from Vajra Publications Kathmandu (Nepal)

Translation from English: N. Mashkova under the general editorship of Ph.D. ist. sciences E. Leontyeva

© Vajra Publications, 2012.

© Translation into Russian. N. Mashkova, 2015.

I would never have written this book if it had not been for my children. They gave me a passion to “figure it all out” and do the best I could for them. When they were born, I devoted myself not only to them, but to all children and their parents in general. Children are the future, and by helping them realize their potential, called enlightened nature in Buddhism, we are doing something very important.

My children are very dear to me. Each of them has a special place in my heart, and I am deeply grateful to them for coming into my life—and for their contributions to this book.

I greatly appreciate the help of my sister-in-law Shannon, whose clear mind enriched my first draft with warmth and meaning.

I am truly grateful to the thousands of parents I have worked with over the years. You helped me hone the skills and knowledge described in this book. I learned as you learned. We walked this path together.

As a practicing Buddhist, I am still on the first steps of the ladder leading to an understanding of Buddhist philosophy. I owe a lot to Venerable Tenzin Chonyi (Dr. Diana Taylor), who supported me and gave me invaluable advice. She carefully proofread and edited the manuscript twice, checking my interpretation of Buddhist principles. Many thanks to her for this. I am now confident of the accuracy of the Buddhist formulations given here; Moreover, by challenging my understanding, Dr. Taylor forced me to take a closer look at various aspects of Buddhist teachings that I, as it turned out, did not perceive quite correctly.

Working in many countries, I studied Buddhism from the books and lectures that were available in the places where I was staying. Without the participation of Geshe Tashi Tsering of the Chenrezig Institute and the inspiring support of Lama Zopa Rinpoche, my education would have lacked human warmth.

A book about parenting is a book about family bonding, and I wouldn't be the person I am today without the love of my parents and brother. As is usually the case in families, loved ones have always played an important role in my life. My brother Gordon opened my eyes to Buddhist philosophy. Thank you.

Finally, I express my gratitude to my life partner - who could ask for better? I will never have enough words to thank him.

Being parents is hard work. One day my father admitted to me that he makes mistakes all the time. I was a teenager at the time, so his statement wasn't surprising, but whatever mistakes he thought he made, he probably did some things right. Today we, his daughters and sons, easily find a common language. Dad and Mom laid the foundation for this in our early childhood. Of course, our parents were far from ideal. They either instilled in me faith in my own strength, or completely undermined it. So any book that can help parents negotiate the minefield of parenting is likely to be beneficial.

Many manuals on this topic are published in the world, but there is not one completely based on Buddhist principles. In Buddhism, everything is based on the relationship of cause and effect. If we do something useful, it will bring good results. It is an optimistic philosophy that makes it possible to achieve complete freedom from ignorance and therefore from all suffering. We probably won’t achieve this in one lifetime, but we can at least start.

The Buddha's teaching primarily explains the situation we find ourselves in now. His means of self-improvement are intended not only for monks and nuns, but also for lay people - that is, parents. These teachings and methods constitute the “wisdom wing” of Buddhism.

The second wing of this bird is sympathy, or compassion. What does it mean to be compassionate to a child when he flies into fits of childish rage or sucks up to you for a coveted toy? How to show empathy for a one and a half year old baby and a six year old first grader? Today, parents are faced with challenges that no one has faced before. Our children are growing up in a society that encourages them to relentlessly demand and want more, while increasingly polluting the world.

Although life's circumstances change, the way we interact with each other, for better or worse, is the same as it was 2,500 years ago. We unwittingly fall into the same traps of anger, disappointment, overreaction; We still want our children to be happy so much that we often achieve the opposite effect.

The value of this publication is that it combines the author’s experience of Buddhist practice with years of motherhood and work as a child psychologist.

I am glad that Ciel Claridge's common sense and kindness found expression in this book.

Tenzin Chonyi (Dr. Diana Taylor)

traveling teacher

Foundation for the Preservation of the Mahayana Tradition

Family is a place where minds come into contact with each other. If these minds love each other, the house is as beautiful as a garden of flowers. But if these minds are in disharmony with each other, the garden looks ruined, as if a storm had passed through it.

Buddha Shakyamuni

In this section, the author shares his opinion that parenting from the perspective of Buddhist wisdom and compassion is the most effective and beneficial approach to raising children. Here we will find discussions about why parents need Buddhism and why Buddhists should become parents. This provides a basic understanding of the mutual integration of Buddhist philosophy and modern psychology - the basis for a wise parenting approach.

The mind of every being, including you and me, has all the perfect qualities, which is why we try to know it. Right now we are not yet able to see the incredible richness inherent in the mind. But the more we strive to comprehend it, the more beings we will benefit, and we will be able to lead them to Enlightenment. That's why we practice.

Hannah Nydahl

Whether you are a Buddhist who is interested in raising children or a parent who is interested in Buddhism, this book will show you how to create a powerful synergy between these two areas of life, parent effectively and compassionately, and practice the Dharma with passion.

Here is a principle that is useful for everyone: actions should be taken consciously and guided by compassion and wisdom. Along with the role of a parent, we gain additional motivation, the opportunity for internal development and a deeper understanding of Buddhism.

Practicing Buddhism while raising children is essentially the same as practicing Buddhism without being parents; in any case, it's working smart. But life in which children appear often becomes more meaningful. They provide us with myriad opportunities to deepen our practice and understanding of Buddhism and allow us to learn to truly live the Dharma.

When you read about the various approaches and exercises that are consistent with Buddhist truths, you probably get the feeling: “This is so true!” What I write about is deeply connected to the compassionate Buddha nature that we all have. By revealing it within ourselves, we can act successfully in all areas of our lives, and not just in the role of parents.

I encourage you to read the entire book first to gain as much understanding as possible of the underlying motivations, ideas and principles, and therefore the overall concept of raising children with Buddha nature. Then go back to the beginning and select the skills that you would like to develop in yourself. The order - where to start, and what to start second - decide for yourself. I advise you to start with simpler things and work on only one of the methods each time; Once you feel like you've achieved what you want, move on.

All of these skills and strategies need to be developed through practice. This will take time: erroneous mechanisms for responding to children’s behavior will not disappear immediately. They have been developing over the years, and it will take a lot of effort to create new useful and effective habits.

Be kind to yourself. Your development will not always be linear, and that's okay. Sometimes we make good progress for a while, and then the old patterns suddenly appear again. Stay patient and compassionate with yourself. Don't be self-flagellation. If you have embarked on this path, then you are moving in the right direction. Your Buddha nature is always available.

Material wealth binds us to samsara - but being a parent can lead to liberation.

This Sanskrit word is often translated as "conditional existence." People attached to the illusion of self and overwhelmed by disturbing emotions commit awkward acts that lead them to take birth in the six worlds. These are six unenlightened states of consciousness, permeated with various types of suffering and discomfort. One can be liberated from samsara, since the cause of rebirth is an error of perception, ignorance, ignorance of the true nature of the mind.

Why parents need Buddhism and why Buddhists should become parents

Driven by love and compassion
To those who have not yet recognized this true nature,
I dedicate my actions to the benefit of others:
May all beings achieve liberation!
I manifested myself in a human body,
To give others what they need.

Milarepa

Compassion and wisdom are at the core of Buddhist philosophy. A balanced combination of these qualities is as important for raising children as it is for Buddhism as a whole. These are two wings of a bird - with one it cannot fly. If parents have compassion but forget wisdom, they will achieve nothing. Wisdom is needed to understand how to use empathy. Otherwise, it will do more harm than good – both to children and to our relationships with them.

Buddhist Lama Trungpa Rinpoche showed the difference between actual compassion and what he himself called the compassion of an idiot - that is, compassion without wisdom. This is a very apt term: with this approach we feel good, believing that we are acting for the benefit of our children, but in fact we are acting like an idiot or a fool, indifferent to reality and to the true results of our actions.

For example, we sympathize with our daughter because her friends said something to her and she is now upset. We think we have to step in and “fix things.” But by doing this, we will prevent our daughter from learning from experience.

Another example: our baby loves sweets. He cries all the time, begging for candy, and out of sympathy we agree. When the son grows up, he will suffer from tooth decay, excess blood sugar and excess weight.

If we combined compassion with wisdom in these situations, we would act very differently, and our actions would benefit the child. Only wisdom helps us respond correctly to the suffering of others.

Balancing wisdom and compassion through the Buddhist approach to parenting will impact more than just our lives and the lives of our children. As parents, we have a unique opportunity to influence people on a larger scale. The method of cultivating Buddha nature can produce such an internal transformation that will bring more peace and tranquility to people, because peace in the outer world is created due to inner peace in people's minds.

In general, peace is not an external phenomenon, but an internal one, and mindfulness combined with impartiality helps to achieve it. Many people think that if they meditate, their mind will come to a state of peace. This is true to a certain extent, but meditation is not only done on a special pillow and in a special position.

Meditation is the ability to remain mindful at different moments in our daily lives. Take washing dishes for example - we can carefully wash the dishes to make them clean, or we can carefully wash the dishes to wash the dishes. This way we can concentrate on the actual experience of washing dishes. If we choose to apply mindfulness during this activity, the goal is not clean plates, but being fully present in the process itself. Then we become more aware of both the chosen task and the work to complete it.

Impartiality - in a Buddhist context means freedom from attachment and hostility, as well as an equally equanimous attitude towards praise and blasphemy.

When playing with children, we too can choose what to focus on or apply mindfulness to. You can play to develop some skill in children or simply to calm them down, or you can do it to rejoice and enjoy the game and communication. In any case, we are consciously present in the moment.

Sometimes we will read a story to children simply for the sake of reading and enjoying our interaction, and other times the purpose of reading will be to help them learn the alphabet or learn something new. When communicating with a child, we can set ourselves the goal of “just communicating” - and consciously stick to it.

Mindfulness and mindfulness is a clear presence that allows the practitioner to be fully aware of the object on which he is concentrating. It is a distinct and directed state. The Tibetan verb "dran pa" also means "to remember" or "to be fully present."

The smile that lights up our face evokes a response in the heart of a child.

Having decided what to tackle as carefully and consciously as possible, we are not distracted by other things. This opportunity should be used wisely and compassionately, so that you choose an action that will benefit the children now and over time.

Mindfulness brings peace, which we will spread around us constantly. When we are calm and full of loving kindness, this is passed on to our children. They feel valued. They may learn something new or learn how to behave during and after our fun together.

Peace is available to us when we are able to quiet our distracted or agitated mind and be present in what is. If we managed to achieve this, we are happy and smile. The smile that lights up our face evokes a response in the heart of a child. It relaxes our facial muscles, promotes mindfulness and has a wonderful calming effect on everyone. This feeling of blissful stillness supports us in our parental role.

An enlightened attitude (bodhichitta in Sanskrit) is the decision to achieve Enlightenment and lead all beings to it without exception.

By developing compassion and an enlightened attitude, we gain the power to create an atmosphere of peace and harmony first in the family, then in the wider community, and ultimately wherever we go. This is why cultivating the enlightened attitude, or bodhichitta, is an important part of Buddhist meditation.

If we, in addition, can create an atmosphere of impersonal love in the family, help children also develop empathy and thereby achieve inner harmony, then peace and joy will increase exponentially.

All methods of the Buddhist path contribute to the cultivation of the Enlightened Attitude. It takes us away from focusing on ourselves and therefore frees us from suffering. Using Buddhist methods, we will learn to cultivate bodhichitta in any situation in life.

Some readers will likely be familiar with the basics of Mahayana Buddhist philosophy, while others may not. The overview below will provide the necessary foundation for understanding these truths. The study and practice of Buddhism will benefit everyone; In addition, at the end of the book there is a list of other resources that will give you additional information.

Little Buddhas...and also their parents! Buddhist Secrets of Raising Children Ciel Claridge

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Title: Little Buddhas...and also their parents! Buddhist Secrets of Raising Children
Author: Ciel Claridge
Year: 2012
Genre: Religion: other, Foreign applied and popular science literature, Foreign esoteric and religious literature, Raising children, Child psychology, Foreign psychology

About the book “Little Buddhas...as well as their parents! Buddhist Secrets of Raising Children by Ciel Claridge

Dr Ciel Claridge is a child psychologist, practicing Buddhist and mother of nine children. Drawing on her professional experience and Buddhist education, Dr. Claridge developed her own method of raising children based on Buddhist values ​​and called it “Raising Children with the Revealing of Buddha Nature” (Buddha Heart Parenting). In the book “Little Buddhas. and also their parents! The basics of the Buddha's Teachings are set out in accessible modern language, and then the Buddhist method of raising children, the main principle of which is the development of compassion and love, is presented in detail. For a wide range of readers.

On our website about books you can download the site for free without registration or read online the book “Little Buddhas...as well as their parents! Buddhist secrets of raising children" by Ciel Claridge in epub, fb2, txt, rtf, pdf formats for iPad, iPhone, Android and Kindle. The book will give you a lot of pleasant moments and real pleasure from reading. You can buy the full version from our partner. Also, here you will find the latest news from the literary world, learn the biography of your favorite authors. For beginning writers, there is a separate section with useful tips and tricks, interesting articles, thanks to which you yourself can try your hand at literary crafts.

Quotes from the book “Little Buddhas...as well as their parents! Buddhist Secrets of Raising Children by Ciel Claridge

Family is a place where minds come into contact with each other. If these minds love each other, the house is as beautiful as a garden of flowers. But if these minds are in disharmony with each other, the garden looks ruined, as if a storm had passed through it.
Buddha Shakyamuni

Our role here is rather to open up opportunities for the child and create conditions for the realization of his potential. We serve as a guide on the path to improving his life. The goal is to help him succeed, to develop self-discipline; we do not need to praise or scold a child in order to teach or control something. The system of rewards and punishments is not at all effective, considering what exactly we want to achieve.
In the final sense, our child creates his own destiny. Our task is to help him develop the skills and knowledge to do this successfully. We need to treat children the way we would like to be treated. As adults, do we want to be told what to do and what not to do, punished and rewarded, not listened to our reasons, not allowed to participate in decisions affecting our lives?

How effective are the views and remedies offered in this book? They helped me and many others. The Buddha asks us to listen carefully, reflect on what we hear, doubt and not take anything for granted without careful analysis; Therefore, while reading these pages, slowly weigh the accuracy and truth of what is written, see how it suits you personally. Put the advice into practice and judge for yourself. You may only want to hone a few skills, but this reflects your desire to improve your family relationships so that both you and your children can be better off.

I firmly believe that all parents want their family ties to be built on mutual compassion, peace and friendship. But often the advice that experts give us on this matter does not help us achieve this at all. Behavior management techniques that use “reward and punishment” methods are far from ideal because they do not lead to the development of Buddha potential in children. Certain recommendations for parents effectively change the external behavior of children, but without improving internal motivation and attitude to the world, we do not receive the necessary and effective means that would develop the child and ourselves on the spiritual path, leading to deepening mutual love and empathy. We need a kind of middle path in which kinship ties are transformed and given a strong foundation of compassion and wisdom. We are all capable of achieving this, the main thing is to resolutely take on the work on ourselves.

How to use this book

The transformation we crave may take time and effort. We will need to work on our own development while practicing our parenting skills. We can develop a program of meditation and study of Buddhist principles and ideas;

it will allow you to devote at least a few minutes a day to internal growth. And the book is intended to support this work with useful knowledge and give it new impetus. It will provide you with practical tools to use your understanding of Buddhist teachings in your relationships with children.

When you read about the various approaches and exercises that are consistent with Buddhist truths, you probably get the feeling: “This is so true!” What I write about is deeply connected to the compassionate Buddha nature that we all have. By revealing it within ourselves, we can act successfully in all areas of our lives, and not just in the role of parents.

I encourage you to read the entire book first to gain as much understanding as possible of the underlying motivations, ideas and principles, and therefore the overall concept of raising children with Buddha nature. Then go back to the beginning and select the skills that you would like to develop in yourself. The order - where to start, and what to start second - decide for yourself. I advise you to start with simpler things and work on only one of the methods each time; Once you feel like you've achieved what you want, move on.

All of these skills and strategies need to be developed through practice. This will take time: erroneous mechanisms for responding to children’s behavior will not disappear immediately. They have been developing over the years, and it will take a lot of effort to create new useful and effective habits.

Be kind to yourself. Your development will not always be linear, and that's okay. Sometimes we make good progress for a while, and then the old patterns suddenly appear again. Stay patient and compassionate with yourself. Don't be self-flagellation. If you have embarked on this path, then you are moving in the right direction. Your Buddha nature is always available.

Material wealth binds us to samsara - but being a parent can lead to liberation.

This Sanskrit word is often translated as "conditional existence." People attached to the illusion of self and overwhelmed by disturbing emotions commit awkward acts that lead them to take birth in the six worlds. These are six unenlightened states of consciousness, permeated with various types of suffering and discomfort. One can be liberated from samsara, since the cause of rebirth is an error of perception, ignorance, ignorance of the true nature of the mind.

Why parents need Buddhism and why Buddhists should become parents

Driven by love and compassion To those who have not yet recognized this true nature, I dedicate my actions to the benefit of others: May all beings achieve liberation! I manifested myself in a human body, To give others what they need.

Milarepa

Compassion and wisdom are at the core of Buddhist philosophy. A balanced combination of these qualities is as important for raising children as it is for Buddhism as a whole. These are two wings of a bird - with one it cannot fly. If parents have compassion but forget wisdom, they will achieve nothing. Wisdom is needed to understand how to use empathy. Otherwise, it will do more harm than good – both to children and to our relationships with them.

Buddhist Lama Trungpa Rinpoche showed the difference between actual compassion and what he himself called the compassion of an idiot - that is, compassion without wisdom. This is a very apt term: with this approach we feel good, believing that we are acting for the benefit of our children, but in fact we are acting like an idiot or a fool, indifferent to reality and to the true results of our actions.

For example, we sympathize with our daughter because her friends said something to her and she is now upset. We think we have to step in and “fix things.” But by doing this, we will prevent our daughter from learning from experience.

Another example: our baby loves sweets. He cries all the time, begging for candy, and out of sympathy we agree. When the son grows up, he will suffer from tooth decay, excess blood sugar and excess weight.

If we combined compassion with wisdom in these situations, we would act very differently, and our actions would benefit the child. Only wisdom helps us respond correctly to the suffering of others.

Balancing wisdom and compassion through the Buddhist approach to parenting will impact more than just our lives and the lives of our children. As parents, we have a unique opportunity to influence people on a larger scale. The method of cultivating Buddha nature can produce such an internal transformation that will bring more peace and tranquility to people, because peace in the outer world is created due to inner peace in people's minds.

In general, peace is not an external phenomenon, but an internal one, and mindfulness combined with impartiality helps to achieve it. Many people think that if they meditate, their mind will come to a state of peace. This is true to a certain extent, but meditation is not only done on a special pillow and in a special position.

Meditation is the ability to remain mindful at different moments in our daily lives. Take washing dishes for example - we can carefully wash the dishes to make them clean, or we can carefully wash the dishes to wash the dishes. This way we can concentrate on the actual experience of washing dishes. If we choose to apply mindfulness during this activity, the goal is not clean plates, but being fully present in the process itself. Then we become more aware of both the chosen task and the work to complete it.

Impartiality - in a Buddhist context means freedom from attachment and hostility, as well as an equally equanimous attitude towards praise and blasphemy.

When playing with children, we too can choose what to focus on or apply mindfulness to. You can play to develop some skill in children or simply to calm them down, or you can do it to rejoice and enjoy the game and communication. In any case, we are consciously present in the moment.