Merry New Year's omens. New Year's signs and traditions

On the eve of this holiday, we are all becoming a little more romantic and superstitious!

Of course, we are all adults and serious people and do not believe in Santa Claus, letters of happiness and promises to lose weight in a week, without stopping eating fried potatoes at night. But once a year in each of us, somewhere deeply, deeply, there is a hope that miracles still happen, and certainly on New Year's Eve.

We begin to recall Ryazanov's films, the stories of friends that Grandfather Frost, who turned out to be an unmarried successful businessman, came to the cousin of a colleague of a neighbor in an old apartment on New Year's Eve, who turned out to be an unmarried, successful businessman, and now they are expecting a third child. In a word, a thin ray of hope breaks through the thick of common sense - what if it’s true ...? In fact, miracles, of course, do happen. And, no matter how trite it sounds: the main thing is to believe! Everyone in life has the right to a Fairy Tale, and in order for it to come to us, you need to "call" it. Call in the same fabulous way - with the help of naive and stupid signs and rituals. And on New Year's Eve there are a lot of them! So stock up on faith in the Miracle - and go ahead, because as Paolo Coelho said: "If you want something, then the whole Universe will help to make your wish come true." So…

On the first day of the New Year, do not do any hard and dirty work, otherwise you will mess around in the mud and experience hardships all year round.

On New Year's Eve, secretly slip clothes, food, or money on the poor. All year long, fate will be merciful to you.

New Year is considered a family holiday. Therefore, decorate the tree with the whole family. By making homemade toys and hanging them, you give magical power to your desires. They need to be hung among other toys.

If you want wealth, don't forget to wrap your coins in gold and silver foil. Happiness in love will bring you paired hearts hanging on the Christmas tree. A ring hung on a Christmas tree will speed up marriage.

Do not throw chocolate in the champagne, otherwise you will spin the same way all year round, like gas bubbles swirl in wine.

Women, in order to free themselves from diseases and all bad things in the New Year, need to put on a scarf or a cape on their shoulders before the chimes, and after the twelfth blow, quickly remove All negative things will remain in the past year.

The custom of dancing around the New Year tree prevents failures and all sorts of ailments in the coming year.

The New Year's pretzel baked by ourselves protects the whole year from evil spirits and misfortunes.

To create a New Year's atmosphere, you can resort to scented candles. The correct choice of scent will add mystery to the New Year's feast and relieve some of the ailments:

orange - from fatigue;

cloves and apples - for headaches,

apple has a beneficial effect on the cardiovascular system;

lemon - from lack of appetite.

New Year's omens and superstitions related to money!

What does every modern person dream about in an era of instability and constant financial crises? Of course, about material well-being in the new year! It is on a magical New Year's Eve that the general energy of the entire globe begins to operate, the entire population of the world, which asks the universe for the same thing. Why not take advantage of the opportunity? How to do it?

1. Buy a new broom, decorate it with a red ribbon and place it in the corner of the kitchen with a whisk up

2. Leave a glass of wine and a spoonful of salad for the brownie in the kitchen

3. Hang a wreath on the front door of your home

4. An hour before the arrival of the guests, light a church candle in each room.

5. Ask for forgiveness from everyone who has been offended and forget your grievances

A New Year's omen is to celebrate the holiday with money in your pocket.

There is such a New Year's sign that there must be a banknote in the right pocket on your clothes on New Year's Eve. It is desirable that it is not a wrinkled dozen. The best option is a five thousandth bill. There are two useful points at once: after the New Year holidays, you will have a stash, and you will live up to your salary comfortably, and even for the Christmas table; the greater the denomination of the bill, the more attractive energy it has for other money. Money goes to money! Do you know this saying? The explanation of this sign is quite simple from a bioenergetic point of view. What is money? This is just paper with special security signs. This is in the materialistic sense. And in the correct formulation of the question, money, any, it is, first of all, energy. And in the case of any energy, the law of its conservation and attraction works. The more energy you have in your pocket on New Year's Eve, the more likely you are to be financially successful next year.

New Year's omen - to celebrate the New Year in a new dress

New clothes are a symbol thanks to which you can psychologically tune in for success on a magical festive night. After all, buying an outfit for the new year, you are rewarding yourself for success in work. You show yourself that you can buy a new evening dress. And this means that the year has not been lived in vain. Therefore, do not spare money for new outfits. Radiate positive, and it will return to you within a year in an increased form. Ideally, everything should be new - from underwear to shoes. Moreover, the closer the new thing is to the body (underwear, stockings), the better. By the way, the Italian tradition of throwing away everything unnecessary is a great reason to update your wardrobe. When going through your wardrobe, follow a clear rule - if you haven't worn it for over a year, you will never wear it again!

A New Year's omen - to pay off all debts until the clock strikes 12.

Otherwise, this New Year's omen promises to be in debt for the whole next year. Do not take this superstition too literally. In modern transcription, this sign has several sides. At the same time, it is most important for each person to sit down and deal with their financial situation long before the new year. This sign should not be remembered on the last day of the outgoing year. This is just a chance to align your budget. Try to analyze your financial situation today. Answer yourself just one question - do you have "bad" debts? This includes money that you borrowed and did not return on time. If you regularly pay interest on the loan, then you can not worry about this. This is not considered a debt that needs to be paid off in advance of the new year.

Monetary New Year's omens that work always and under any circumstances!

We decided to single out in a separate group those New Year's signs related to finance, which always work, no matter what. This arsenal helps anyone to achieve significant financial improvements during the first half of the coming year.

Here they are in order:

• make a wish to the chimes;
• clean up your house and throw away all old rubbish and rubbish;
• set a rich table;
• bed white tablecloth;
• put a yellow coin on each corner of the table under the tablecloth;
• light seven green candles, and they should burn out completely.

Over the past year, a huge amount of garbage and rubbish has accumulated in our homes. All this attracts negative energy to itself, which destroys our ability to create, makes us apathetic and takes away our vital energy. Therefore, ten days before the new year, you should begin to put your house in order.

A white tablecloth on the festive table is a symbol of cleanliness and readiness for change. White attracts good luck to your home. Coins from every corner are a signal of the energy of wealth to flow into your hearth from all parts of the world. But the hearth itself is seven green candles. Green is money. Fire is energy.

But people dream not only about money and material well-being in anticipation of the new year. Many people think about love, family happiness, the health of their relatives and friends.

In order for all this to come true, many people of the world have such a simple New Year's sign - to celebrate the new year in a close circle of the family. Even if the subsequent night festivities are planned in the fresh air or in an entertainment establishment, you should listen to the chiming clock at the richly set New Year's table in your home, in the circle of your family and friends. In no case are ill-wishers or secret enemies invited to the gala dinner. Only the closest and beloved people.

Attract good luck and happiness

It's a very good omen to sneeze on New Year's Eve, and the more the better. So stock up on peppers and other sneezing spices.

The last glass on New Year's Eve will bring good luck to the drinker. That is, during the chimes, watch the guests closely and drink your glass later than everyone else, but no later than the 12th beat!

Good luck with a kiss from Santa Claus, so do not hesitate - your future happiness is at stake!

In the first second of the coming year, you need to stroke the boy's head. In the absence of such, a boy who has matured significantly will come down. And even some kind of beast, but always male. By the way, if a man congratulates the first Happy New Year, then this is also a good luck, so if you are already celebrating the New Year in a purely female company, then immediately with its onset, you will run through the neighbors

In the first minutes of the new year, open wide the doors and call good luck into the house, and banish all the bad.

Don't do any hard homework on January 1st! Otherwise, you plow the whole year, like horses. So, along with the guests, lie down on the sofa in front of the TV to finish eating salads with a clear conscience.

Attract health

In ancient times, on New Year's Eve, in severe frost, water was frozen in a spoon. If the ice turns out to be in bubbles - to good health and longevity.

For health, before celebrating the New Year, you should take a bath or shower, washing off all the negative energy from yourself.

Attract love

French women, celebrating the New Year, always wear new red underwear. They believe that this will scare away evil and calculating men, and will attract decent gentlemen. Luckily, if at least one piece of the toilet is red (it can also be lipstick, nail polish or a hair clip).

To preserve the feelings you already have and not to part, when the hands of the clock connect at the number 12, hug and kiss each other. And if you want your family to be replenished next year, celebrate the New Year with the little fingers of your right hands clasped.

Do not swear on the eve of the New Year either with the second half, or with those who claim this honorary title. And in general, do not swear with anyone.

Girls who want to meet their soul mate in the new year should give gifts to seven children. This way you can create a positive energy aimed at creating a family.

To fulfill the most cherished desire

The most popular way (and, as people say, very effective) - with the first strike of the clock, you need to write the most cherished desire on a piece of paper, burn it, stir the ashes in champagne, and drink champagne. All this must be done before the clock finishes striking.

And if there are many desires? Please: with each stroke of the clock, make a guess as you wish and eat a grape. Grapes can be replaced with sips of champagne, just make sure there is enough champagne. The most ambitious and cherished desire should be made for the last 12th strike.

Another funny sign is that while the clock strikes, you need to jump as high as possible and make the most cherished wish in the jump. A special chic - not to tell anyone about it, and to observe on the faces of relatives and friends, to put it mildly, amazement.

There is a belief that a wish comes true if, having made it to the chimes, you manage to burn a sparkler. At the same time, you need to focus on your dream and imagine that you already have what you want.

You can write your wish on a piece of colored paper, make a Christmas tree toy out of it and hang it closer to the top. But after the holidays, do not throw it away with the tree, but hide it until it is fulfilled.

And remember that the cherished desire must be formulated correctly! Not "I don't want to be alone anymore," but "I want to meet my soul mate." No "not" - they carry a negative connotation. And psychologists also advise not to make a wish, but how to state it, that is, not to talk about it in the future tense. For example, not “I want to lose weight,” but “I am losing weight,” because thought is material. Naturally, in no case make a wish that can harm anyone!

And one more important point: after making a decision, “release” your desire. Just like a bird in the sky, like the "print" button was pressed. You cannot keep it to yourself, after you have formulated it, you need to "run the program" to execute it, that is, just not think about it. You don’t think about how your document is printed there, that’s none of your business. You "started to print" and "received a printed document".

Let's add only one thing. You should make a wish only if you believe that it will come true. You cannot do this, hoping at random and with the aim of checking whether it will work or not. In this case, you can get everything exactly the opposite of what you have in mind. The huge energy of people from all over the world making wishes on New Year's festive night merges into one stream. This guarantees the fulfillment of any desires.

And the most important. If you are an Orthodox Christian, then do not forget in preparations for the new year that, until January 7, there is a strict church stop. Try to stay away from noisy companies and heavy alcoholic libations. This is no longer a New Year's omen, but a tribute to tradition for the New Year.

Holiday greetings!!!

All over the world, people are eagerly awaiting a festive and magical New Year's Eve, because it is associated with the hope for the best in the coming year. In a time of general joy and happiness, the gloomiest skeptic wants to believe in the best. Therefore, good, even comic, predictions for the New Year can cheer you up and give confidence that everything will certainly be fine in the future.

We meet guests

This is an event that is celebrated by almost every person, regardless of nationality, religion, traditions, status and other differences. Some people organize parties, get together and celebrate with their friends, colleagues, family members, relatives and loved ones. The element of surprise when meeting guests will add fun to the festive atmosphere. The well-known game of forfeits will serve as a basis. Short comic predictions for the New Year, decorated in the form of small cards, are placed in a box or hat in advance, and each guest draws his own. A great start to the fun is guaranteed.

Surprise

• It's time to make old mistakes in a new way. Hooray! Happy New Year!
• Every year life gives us 365 days to find out what its meaning is. Go for it!
• This year, most likely, your New Year's wish will come true, especially the one that was made at the beginning of last year. Holiday greetings!
• May the happiness you receive this year be greater than your weight ... Happy New Year!
• Flip a coin ... If "heads" come out, then Luck is with you, if "tails" - then you are with Luck. Happy New Year!

That the coming year?

We have known about the magic of New Year's Eve since childhood, to which, at least for a moment, we want to return so that we can again be imbued with absolute faith in miracles and a good magician. and prediction will not help to remember the time when we believed in a fairy tale. Candles and dim light will create a magical entourage. And a person chosen for the role of a fortuneteller will not interfere with the mantle and cap of a sorcerer. For fortune-telling, you will need an ordinary deck of cards, on the front side of which you should write comic predictions for the New Year in advance. The essence of magic is simple, the "sorcerer" sits with his back to those present, in front of him on the table are cards with predictions (face down). Anyone who wants to know what is to come silently approaches the "magician" and slaps him on the shoulder, who, at his discretion, draws the card and passes it to the fortuneteller. Predictions are read aloud after the fortune-telling is over for everyone. Here are some of these comic predictions for the New Year.

Comic predictions for the New Year for children

On this holiday, adults have the opportunity for their children not only to turn reality into a fairy tale, but also to make it instructive. Of course, children will like sweets and other sweets with predictions, but they will be equally delighted with gifts. After all, a present with a hint will bring not only pleasure, but also benefit. For school-age children, you can prepare comic predictions for the New Year in the form of things that are useful for study. Here's an example:

• A set of pencils or paints - hints that its owner will reveal his artistic talent.
• A set of rulers or a ready-made - portends success in the exact sciences.
• A collection of children's poetry - promises to awaken the gift of poetry.
• Globe - promises its owner success in geography and possible travel.
• The ball is a sporting achievement.

Santa Claus can also take on the role of a fortuneteller, because he, as the most important wizard of this holiday, is well aware of the New Year's wishes of the children. But parents need to prepare for such predictions in advance. So that Santa Claus can fulfill the wish of the kids, first they must write him a letter.

Adults are the same kids at heart

Comic predictions for the New Year in the form of small gifts will delight guests of the older generation no less than children. The main thing is that the hint is to your liking. Let's say one of your friends wants to buy a new car, which means that a toy car will become a pleasant prediction for him. Here are other examples:

• Sunscreen - portends a wonderful seaside holiday.
• Nice handle - climbing the career ladder.
• Money clip is a financial success.
• Travel catalog is an unforgettable journey.
• Fresh fruit is good health.
• If your friend or colleague dreams of a new slimmer figure, it means that the centimeter will come in handy for her to celebrate her progress on the way to her goal. However, such a surprise can only be presented to a person with a good sense of humor.

Biscuits

The idea, of course, is not new and will not surprise many. Fortune cookies have long been used by Chinese restaurants. But on this festive night it is important not to be surprised, the main thing is to have fun from the heart. And comic notes with predictions for the New Year, which guests will find in cookies, will be very useful. Especially if the predictions are similar to Chinese folk wisdom.

• This year, you will skillfully disguise yourself as a responsible person.
• Your inferiority complex isn't good enough. Do your best.
• An intelligent person needs either good manners or quick reflexes.
• The fate you're looking for is in another cookie.
• Take a look before jumping, or wear a parachute.
• Your business has not been useful. Try something different.
• Hard work will pay off in the future. For laziness you will have to pay off yourself.

Predictions for the New Year in verse

A comic poem with a funny prophecy has a special magical power, since it is easy to remember and can make the New Year's holiday brighter.

• Expect without sadness and crying, Luck awaits you soon.
• The next birthday, you will receive a jar of jam.
• In the coming year, joy will come in the morning.
• Look forward with hope - and you will certainly be lucky.
• Luck awaits you next Sunday.
• Expect success in your work by next Saturday.
• Do not be angry with bad weather, leave the house, perhaps happiness awaits around the corner.
• A pleasant trip to the sea awaits you soon.
• Do not be upset, eat cookies, can cook deliciously - this is your new hobby.
• Be cheerful, happy always and trouble will go around.

Work is not a hindrance to the holiday

On duty, some people are forced to celebrate the New Year at work. However, this fact should not spoil the holiday, especially if you are in a positive mood. After all, you can always carve out a free minute for general fun, and for a festive cup of tea, cakes will be quite useful, in which you can hide funny and comic predictions for the New Year.

What will the stars say?

Funny and comic horoscopes cheer you up even on weekdays, and even more so at the festive table. You can always use the ready-made version of the stellar prediction, but there is little chance that the guests have not heard it yet. Therefore, so that the surprise is not spoiled, it is better to show imagination. Bright and funny moments experienced together in the past year will help to compose a comic horoscope.

Prediction contests

Who, if not a gypsy woman, will better predict the upcoming events. To create the necessary atmosphere, the host of the festive evening will have to stock up on acting talent and a deck of cards. Gypsies don’t guess for nothing, so a fortune-teller will have to be gilded for the prediction. Only you need to pay not with money, but with talents. Songs, dances and poems performed by those present will cause everyone's fun.

The role of the predictor does not have to be performed by one person. All guests can feel themselves in this image. You will need blank sheets of paper and pencils for each person present. The good thing about the competition is that it can be held while sitting at the festive table. The task is to write a funny prediction for your neighbor. The author of the most interesting and fun version is awarded a prize. Needless to say, everyone will practice wit. However, the most interesting things await the contestants ahead. When the predictions are ready, it turns out that the "oracles" wrote them for themselves.

Today, almost everyone who has a computer and is connected to the Internet can shine at the New Year's table with an anecdote, a toast or a joke on the theme of this beloved holiday. One has only to type the appropriate request and the global "network" will "catch" real pearls, pearls of wisdom and humor: a lot of wonderful toasts that will decorate any meal or a friendly gathering.

And whoever has no time to look can use our collection. Thanks for theseNew Year's jokes and jokes to their authors, we bring everything unchanged, so all the compliments and claims to the authors - the sources are attached. Take your pick - there are small New Year stories for every taste.

1. New Year's joke "17 signs of Santa Claus"

1. The peephole was immediately suffocated by a frosty fume.

2. The real Santa Claus has his hands in blue veins, and the fake one has blue tattoos.

3. The body temperature of a real Santa Claus does not rise above zero degrees. You can store vodka in it.

4. The real Santa Claus gets to you not on horns, but on deer.

5. He remembers how he returned to Veliky Ustyug last year.

6. The real Santa Claus bites only with a snowball or an icicle and sniffs with the Snow Maiden.

7. Real Santa Claus is accompanied by only 1 (one) Snow Maiden. You can't choose.

8. A real Santa Claus never slaps the Snow Maiden on the buttocks in front of children. He claps her afterwards when he thinks the children are already asleep.

9. Real Santa Claus hates poetry.

10. There is no United Russia emblem on his bag with gifts.

11. If a real Santa Claus is pulled by the beard, then his head will twitch.

12. He is very kind. Even after being kicked, he will give you something.

12. If a real Santa Claus is treated with real alcohol, there will be a puddle of grandfather, which he will not even think to clean up.

14. After the real Santa Claus, the toilet smells of pine needles.

15. When he leaves, things from the apartment do not disappear! On the contrary, ¬- appear.

16. He does not leave behind business cards like "Banquets, weddings, anniversaries!" or "Candidate of Physics and Mathematics Aisman D. M."

17. He also believes in Santa Claus.

(Source: "Krasnaya Burda")

2. New Year's signs - 1

If the icicle fell not down, but up, then your New Year's wish will come true exactly the opposite;

If the needles on the tree have turned blue, it means that the tree should no longer be poured;

If you hear an obscene answer to the call "Burn the Christmas tree", it means that you tried to set fire to your wife's green coat;

If Santa Claus comes out of the closet on New Year's Eve, it means that today he gave you horns;

If on New Year's Eve you and your friends went to the bathhouse, then you will not wash off the whole year;

If a snowflake falls on your palm and does not melt, you need to urgently drink to keep warm;

If Santa Claus demands a gift from you, save money ...

(Source: lizoblyudnichat.ru)

3. Funny New Year's tips at the table.

1. If during New Year's Eve you are under the table - remember: you are still an accomplice in the festive banquet.

2. If on the New Year's table you are attracted by any dish, but it is impossible to reach it, pull the tablecloth over yourself.

3. Do not forget that a cultured guest is not one who eats a lot at the festive table, but one who does not notice that there is already nothing to eat.

4. If your friend wants to freshen up on New Year's Eve, shake the soda bottle well and kindly offer it to him.

5. If you run out of sweets on the table, do not despair, but return the pieces of cut erasers to the candy wrappers - the “sweet” will not decrease.

6. If your cat ate all the festive fish, roll the fish skeletons in the dough and bake - the guests who walked will be satisfied.

7. To make the New Year's party memorable for the guests for a long time, add sawdust and shavings to the salad, and nails to the cutlets.

8. Delay serving the gala dinner and guests will find it tastier no matter what is on the plates.

9. To prevent the birthday cake from crumbling, layer it with plywood and cover it with chocolate icing.

10. If the guests have destroyed all your culinary preparations with appetite, leaving no knives and forks, it is time to end the festive banquet.

(Source: babyblog.ru)

4. New Year's signs - 2

As you celebrate the New Year, you will spend it. To ensure well-being in the coming year, you should arrange a joyful, welcoming New Year;

You cannot give money before the New Year, otherwise you will have to give away the whole year;

If on New Year's Eve something happened to a person, it will happen for a whole year;

If someone sneezes on this day, then to their well-being - the whole year will be happy;

If you put on something new for the New Year, then the year will be successful. On New Year's Eve with new clothes, walk in new clothes for a whole year;

The last glass on New Year's Eve will bring good luck to the drinker;

Loaf and salt on the New Year's table - to well-being;

You should not pay debts on this day - otherwise you will pay off all year;

It is impossible to borrow money on New Year's Eve so that you will not be in debt for the whole next year;

Whoever has an empty pocket in the New Year will spend the whole year in need;

On the New Year's table there should be an abundance of food and drinks, then the whole year in the family there will be prosperity;

Before the New Year, you cannot wash dirty linen in public, otherwise there will be no well-being at home for a whole year;

If the first day of the year is fun, then the whole year will be like that;

If there are guests on New Year's, then guests are all year round;

If on the first day of the New Year the merchant gives the goods to the first oncoming buyer very cheaply, then the whole year will be a successful trade;

If you do hard work on the first day of the New Year, the whole year will pass without rest;

(Source: noviy-god-2009.com)

5. Folk New Year's omens.

1. If at 23:50 on December 31 you see two Presidents on TV reading the New Year's address, it means that your celebration is going according to plan.

2. If there are one and a half presidents - someone has already visited you, but the celebration is proceeding at a normal pace.

3. If there are more than three presidents - you were in a hurry somewhere and for some reason.

4. If the President is above you, get up off the floor.

5. If the President is making faces at you, and threatens so cool, you have good grass.

6. If the President addresses you personally and shakes his hand through the TV, the second and third stamps were superfluous.

7. If the President is not visible or heard, someone has already broken the TV.

8. If the President is sitting in a fire - this is a reflection of your New Year tree: put it out and no longer buy Chinese garlands.

9. If the President is alone, and you understand what and what he is talking about, you are very, very bored, but remember: everything is still fixable!

(Source: wap.razhuka.borda.ru)

6. "Women's letter to Santa Claus before a corporate party."

Dear santa claus!

For this New Year, I would like everyone to become kinder, and I - more beautiful.

There will be time - make men smarter. But if you don't have time, just send me a twenty-five-year-old ski instructor. In general, me and Jake Gyllenhaal will do (This is about the same as Brad Pitt, only younger.) Another good guy from the cologne advertisement - the one who runs naked around the apartment, kicks the pillow, and then sits down in a chair and eyes like this zyrk-zyrk!

However, I was distracted. I want to ask you for another new metabolism. The one with the cormorant will suit me - this bird manages to eat more in a day than it weighs itself, and does not recover at all in the hips. In my opinion, this is unfair. Slender hips are much more necessary for women than for some cormorants.

Of course, I convince myself that if I eat bread for breakfast that tastes the same as the wrapper in which they are packed, then sooner or later I will turn into Kate Moss. But we both understand, dear Grandfather, that this is not so. Therefore - cormorants. Remember.

Now about the hairstyle. Make it so that I don't have to pay five thousand rubles to the hairdresser every time to get my hair back to its original, disheveled appearance two days after the haircut. I'm already tired of explaining to people that I don't sleep in a cage with rabid hamsters.

Epilation. Grandfather, do you even know how painful it is? I do not argue, there are a lot of advantages to being a woman. You will be the first to be lowered in a lifeboat from a sinking ship (not a fact, but it is customary to believe in it). You don't need to fix your genitals in front of everyone. You can digest food with your mouth closed. You can scare men with cryptic gynecological terms. But the endless civil war with one's own hair on the entire surface of the body, except for the head, is unbearable. Either give all of us a device that would quickly and painlessly remove all unwanted hair, or introduce a fashion for shaggy women.

Further. Underpants... This is a serious female problem, to which even Bridget Jones drew attention at one time. It's always difficult with cowards. Always, every day you have to make a decision: thongs, slimming, comfortable or no panties.
Slimming underwear has survived from the days of the Inquisition, when women were offered a choice of a fire, boiling lava, or squeezing the insides with polyamide and elastin. It is difficult to breathe, dance and take seductive poses in this vestment. You can think of only one thing: "When the hell will this torment end?"

Thongs are not easy either. Thongs cut in, you know where, prick, and because of them you have to constantly itch like a monkey in a zoo. The only difference is that the monkey does it in public, and you deliberately touch the tables, chairs and hands of men.
Panties with ruffles, circles and other sexy jewelry are also far from ideal. Maybe it is because of all these inconvenient devices that modern girls so quickly agree to sex: they met, drank a cocktail and - whoop! - she is already undressing. Still would.

Comfortable cotton briefs are made for people, but they look unaesthetic. And usually the size of a small developing state. We have to constantly remember that if a girl in comfortable shorts is hit by a car, then all the orderlies will come running to look at her in the morgue: "These are parachutes!"

In general, come up with something, you are Santa Claus. Make comfy panties beautiful, delicious food low in calories, and handsome men heterosexual

(Source: galya.ru)

7. "Monologue of Santa Claus" - 1.

Oh, what a huge house this is my lot,
I go to him with a bag - Santa Claus is unhappy,
I have a red nose, a cotton beard,
I guys are Santa Claus - hired for a fee!

At home my wife is waiting for me, the children are crying at home,
How I wanted to celebrate the new year with them ,
Only so decided by the local - Pyotr Tryazoguska,
Now I go with a bag - I have a load!

Here is an apartment number of times and a call without a label,
Hello! I came before you, where are your children!
What? No children? Why are you right?
Sign as soon as possible, but not here, but on the right.

They put something in my pocket. Three rubles. What are you !?
Vodka? No, I don't drink guys - I can't stand alcohol!
Why if not native? We are all just people
Well, let's go one at a time .. Oh, we will be for the holiday!

Here is apartment number two ... Hello kids
Dizzy - sign the book.
Get Bab - Yaga for your girlfriend
No, I can't have a dog, but I can have two guns.

They put something in my pocket ... Three rubles? Let's!
Vodka, no guys, I don't drink. However, pour!
Here is apartment number three. No matter how it falls,
Open, I say ... Grandfather Insanity is knocking!

Lively call the children here! You've got a candle on you!
Yes, drive five rubles! Pour the vodka!
Give something to eat. Just hurry up
Yes, let me sit at the table, ugh, some Jews.

Here is the apartment number - fir. Open quickly!
I’m the guys Moidodyr, to you from the team.
What are you hiding, kid? Give me a way
Stop, dad, where you are! Oh, yes, there are a lot of you here!

The bridge of the nose - hurts, and under the eye - swells
Who am I? Goblin? Aibolit? Where am I lying? On the kitchen?
And let's not threaten, just be quiet for once.
Hello Dedushka Moroz! Bring a bowl!

(Source: playcast.ru)

(On the same topic there is in the collection

8. Anecdote at the table "Features of the Russian New Year."

31th of December.
So, Olivier cut, the chicken is ready, the mashed potatoes are ready, I washed the fruit, cleaned the apartment, stroked my dress, washed my head, shaved my legs. Christmas tree, creature, you fall again - I will feed you to a mad cow! Well, where are you, dear guests, I’m just in a festive New Year mood - come in, damn it, sit down, eat!
Well, what about New Year? Chin-chin!

January 1st.
Sofa. Fridge. Sofa. Fridge. Sofa. Fridge. Sorcerers, midshipmen, Verka Serduchka,
I wonder which of the guests locked the cat in the dishwasher?
Fridge. Sofa. Sofa. Sofa.

January 2.
Hello dear guests! With you martinis and tangerines, with me Olivier and a Christmas tree. Happy Holidays! Christmas tree, creature, stand! Otherwise I'll feed you to the mad guests.
Have you seen the cat? .. Strange. For the new year!

January 3rd.
Sofa. Fridge. Sofa. Fridge. Sofa.
Ale, hello! To you?
Nuuu: the same must be done movements: Well, okay, I'm going. Do you still have food left? Ok, then I have martinis and tangerines. I propose a toast: well, you know!

4 January.
I consist of Olivier, and instead of a brain, I have tangerines. We need to take a break, go for a walk, drink mineral water:
Oh hello! What are the fates? They ran by, decided to drop in, grab some vodka, warm up? Well, come in: For the new year? Well, let's.
I saw how the cat itself gets into the dishwasher and locks itself from the inside - it is necessary to tie up with the holidays.

5 January.
Mom, dad, hello. Happy New Year to you, dear ones, all the best to you!
Mom, take pity, if I eat your jellied meat, I will crack right on your festive table or my stomach will crawl through my ears. No!
No salads! I am pregnant with Olivier - do you want such a grandson? Well, leave me to breathe quietly down the aisle and regret my worthless life:
I'll drink champagne, but only as a pain reliever - I know that I won't get out of your table alive!

6th January.
Today is Christmas Eve, we must celebrate the bright holiday as it should be!
So, Olivier cut, the chicken is ready, the mashed potatoes are ready, I washed the fruit, cleaned the apartment, stroked my dress, washed my head, shaved my legs.
Hello, dear guests, come in: leave the tree lying, it, like the rest of the country, is in hibernation.
Well, with the coming, you! I don’t pour! Well, if only a little, symbolically: For Christmas! And for the new year, of course. Is Christmas more important?
Well, let's have one more time for Christmas! And for the new year, so that he does not take offense at us. For Christmas and New Years together, so that no one is offended?
Let's!

Jan. 7.
Sofa. Sofa. Sofa. I need to collect my thoughts and remember where the refrigerator is in my house.

January 8.
Ale, hello! Are you going to see me to guess? Well, come on: Just don't bring a martini, otherwise I will vomit on my betrothed-mummer.
I will get married this year, have a baby, go abroad - an excellent result! You have to drink for this. There is vodka and mineral water - I propose to continue my fortune-telling, I still need money next year and health to survive the holidays!
I propose a toast: yyyyy

January 9.
So, everything, tomorrow to work, it's time to come to your senses. Cat, come out, I will no longer!
Hello, are you back to me? Listen, work tomorrow, have a conscience! Will you have tea? With a cake. Have you brought the brandy? Well, okay, a teaspoon in tea - and no more! For a new, damn, year.
Wow, what a delicious seagull! Who else to pour? ..

January 10.
Tak: This is my workplace. The only question is - what do I work for? I must have a job description somewhere:

How terrible it is to live!

(Source: vk.com)

9. "How fun it is to celebrate the New Year (Auster style)

If you want to celebrate the New Year cheerfully and brightly,
Do not look so stupidly in the "TV" and at one o'clock in the morning not to fall asleep.
Dress up as Santa Claus and run into the street,
And boldly block the way for good kind people!

Demand gifts loudly, put them, laughing, a bandwagon
And not for fun, you shove them into the bag.
Whoever wants to pass by - grab his coat
And read out loud a vulgar rhyme about the Snow Maiden.

Then they will bury you in a snowdrift, call you dissonant,
They'll put a firecracker in your ear, and sprinkle confetti in your mouth.
And then, I assure you, you will not be bored at all,
And you will find out how cheerful this holiday is - New Year!

10. "Why does not Santa Claus exist"

1. No Reindeer can fly. But to be honest, we have not yet studied 300,000 living beings. And most of them are bacteria.
True, this does not mean that one of the creatures cannot turn out to be a flying Reindeer.

(watch the fairy tale about the Reindeer)

2. There are 2 billion children living on earth (people under the age of 18). Grandfather
Frost does not come to children of Muslims, Hindus, Jews and Buddhists. Therefore, 81.1% can be discarded. There are 378 million children left. Let's say that each family has 3 children.
This makes 126 million families. Suppose there is only one good child in each of them who deserves a gift.

3. Due to the time difference and the movement of the earth, Santa Claus has 31 hours to deliver gifts, assuming that he is moving from West to East (which is logical).
It turns out that he has to visit 1129 families per second. Thus, he can only spend 1 / 1000th of a second stopping, getting out of the cart, jumping into the fireplace, putting the gift down, crawling back through the fireplace, getting into the cart and flying to another house. Let's say the distance between houses is 0.78 miles, then he only needs to travel 75.5 million kilometers. But we have not yet taken into account that in 31 hours, Grandfather must, in the same way, do what all normal people do: eat and relieve themselves. To do all of this, you need to move at a speed of 650 miles per second. For comparison: the fastest machine invented by man (the Ulusses satellite) moves at a speed of 27.4 miles per second, while a regular Reindeer moves, the fastest, at 15 miles per hour.

4. Now let's look at gifts. If every child gets a box
LEGO is medium in size (1.8 kg.), It turns out that the carriage itself weighs 314,100 tons, not counting Santa Claus, who, according to rumors, is very very fat. An ordinary Reindeer lifts 150 kg. Let's say the Flying Deer are ten times stronger. Then we need 214,200 reindeer, not 6-8, which, again, according to rumors, he rides. And the more deer, the heavier the cart. It turns out 353.430 tons with deer. For comparison: The ship Quеn Еlizabеth is four times lighter.

5. The result is that a body weighing 353,000 tons is moving at a speed of 650 miles per second. The frictional force generated by this movement ignites the Reindeer. At the same time, each Deer releases 14.3 quintillion of energy, which burns both the Deer and the cart. We get that the Deer and the cart are destroyed in 4.26 thousandths of a second.
Conclusion: If Santa Claus existed, then he is most likely already dead ...

How to relate to signs? Of course, with humor! Moreover - for New Year's omens, because New Year is a fun holiday! Moreover - to the comic signs below. Their main goal is to cheer up!

1. Got a dumpling with a coin - go to the dentist in January;

2. To distribute debts before the New Year - after the holidays you will have to borrow again;

3. Let your wife go on sale before the New Year - to celebrate the year with an empty wallet;

4. Dress up as Santa Claus - to be snapped up for the New Year;

5. Buy a new thing for the holiday and set a plentiful table - meet the year with empty pockets;

6. To save on alcohol for the New Year - guests will be offended;

7. Throwing old furniture out of the window - to problems with neighbors and the police;

8. Drink the last glass from each bottle - get very drunk;

9. A lot of drunk guests at the table - to the owner's black eye;

10. On the festive table a loaf of salt - you probably got to the wedding;

11. I got a dumpling with a gold ring - to "free" money from a pawnshop;

12. Write a wish on a piece of paper, burn a piece of paper, drink champagne with ash mixed in it - to stomach diseases;

13. In the new year, the wicked woman was the first to come - to quarrels with a neighbor from below;

14. In the new year, the first man in uniform came to spend a festive night at the police station;

15. Before the New Year, to have a haircut baldly - to the loss of the speechlessness of all relatives;

16. Buy a Chinese garland for a Christmas tree - to a fire;

17. Break a lot of dishes - in the morning there will be brine snapped up;

18. Have a hearty meal for the New Year - go on diets after the holidays;

19. To drink a lot for the New Year - to bad health in the morning;

20. In the morning after the holiday it started raining - probably the New Year was dragged on.

Festive mood!

Popular wisdom says that it depends on how you celebrate the New Year, whether this year will be blissful or sad. Listen to New Year's omens and beliefs, and then in the new year, trouble will bypass you.

On New Year's Day, knock on the threshold with an ax and say: "Life, health, bread."

If in the middle of winter a fly flies into your house, then lightly tap on the glass and say the following conspiracy words: "Every time has its own hour, And this trouble is not for us."

If on the first day of the new year someone told you about someone's death or you met a funeral procession, then you may have a deceased in the new year. In order to ward off trouble from yourself, you need to cross yourself and say: “There are not three fingers or seven on the hand. Get rid of me, dead man, completely! Key, lock, tongue. Amen. Amen. Amen".

On the first day of the new year, you need to make sure that no stranger does not just lie down on your matrimonial bed, but does not even sit down, otherwise your spouse will cheat on you in the new year.

A pregnant woman, sitting at the New Year's table, must be the first to start eating, then she will easily and quickly give birth.

If a mother on New Year's or Christmas says about her newborn: "Why do I need it?" or other words that indicate an unwanted baby, then God will take this child.

A woman breastfeeding a baby should not invite guests into the house to celebrate the New Year herself. otherwise her child will be restless all year.

If twins are born on January 1 of a leap year, forty alms must be distributed, otherwise the fate of one child may be unhappy.

A mosquito dancing in the house after January - to the loss of peace in the family. To avoid this, you need to kill him and say: “Who jumped, he took it on himself. Amen".

In no case should you arrange a wash on the last day of the year, so as not to "wash" those who live with you. The same prohibition on washing the floor five minutes before the New Year - you risk someone "washing" out of your house forever.

Whoever sprinkles milk on his doorstep on New Year's Eve will be full and rich all year round. When sprinkling milk on the threshold, one should say: “There are so many droplets in the milk. So it would be a lot of joy to me! "

You never have to do anything important on December 28th. You can't get married and get married. You cannot move from one residential place to another. Do not get a job and service that day. Don't make contracts. This day will ruin everything, and no matter what you do, everything will be wrong, because December 28 is the damned day, the day of the beating of babies. People born on December 28 will be unhappy, unless they are spoken out of all the troubles.

The old people firmly remembered that one cannot celebrate the New Year sitting at the same table with the number of people corresponding to the last two digits of the coming year. For example, if you are celebrating 2015, then you should not invite so many guests that there are 15 people at the table with the hosts.

They say that the dishes are beating fortunately, but, alas, not at the New Year's table. If you or your guests broke the dishes on New Year's Eve, you do not need to throw them in the trash as usual, this time you will have to bury the fragments, otherwise there will be scandals in your house all year round.

It has long been noticed that if a cat lambes in the house on New Year's Eve, a dog whelps or any other offspring (calf, lamb, goat, foal, etc.) will be on the farm. then in no case give a newborn cattle the same name (nickname) that family members have, otherwise this person will certainly die in the same year. For example, if there are people in the family with the names Boris. Basil. Maria, etc., then it will not be possible to call cats, dogs, pigs, horses, etc. the names of Vaska. Borka, Masha, etc.

If a bird knocks on the window with its beak, it portends a funeral in the new year. To avoid this, say immediately: “Fly, trouble, with a light feather from my window. From my doorstep, further down the road. Key, lock, tongue. Amen".

On the third day of the new year, do not borrow money to someone who has the same name. how are you. Otherwise, you will give up your luck.

On the third day of the new year, avoid wishes for health - everything you say will happen the other way around.

Do your legs hurt? Buy white wool socks on the third day of the new year and do not take change from the purchase. Whoever sells socks shouldn't be younger than you. The socks bought today will help you in your trouble - your legs will stop hurting.

The one who cut off the hair on the third day of the new year will lose the thickness of the hair.

All the sins you committed on January 3rd will be passed on as a debt to your children. Do not promise anything today and do not swear, otherwise everything that has been conceived will turn out to be empty.

On January 3, you should not peep through a crack or keyhole, otherwise your eyes will hurt, and eavesdrop - this threatens with hearing loss.

No surgery is done on the fifth day of the new year. If possible, it is better to postpone the operation to another day. Today you should not repay debts, otherwise you will have to borrow money more than once.

Be careful on January 5th with sharp objects. If you cut yourself, the wound will not heal for a very long time.

On January 5, read the Bible and pray to the Mother of God, magnifying Her deeds. Clean up your home and yard as you prepare for the birthday of the Savior of the world.

Anyone who was born on January 5 after sunset will definitely come out of all the troubles of life as a winner. Anyone who has hemmed himself a hem on this day will shorten his life by a day.

It is considered a good sign if two people are the first to enter your house in the new year, this means that nothing bad will happen to you this year.

When the first guest enters your house on New Year's Eve, ask him: "A lot or a little?" If the guest answers "a lot", you will live this year comfortably, and if he utters the word "little", then in the coming year you will have only losses.

Wash yourself on New Year's Eve, and pour this water into a mug. Put this mug in the cold. If you see a smooth surface in the morning, you will live a long time. If there is a hole inside the circle, you will soon die.

Whoever dreams of not getting old for a long time should, on the first day of the new year, bring a basin of pure snow into the house, melt it and wash with this water with the words: “Water from the sky will fix everything. And me. servant of God (name), Add beauty to a white face. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen".

On New Year's Day, knock on the set table with a spoon and say: "As the table is full now, it would be full the whole year."

Be careful from morning to lunch on the first day of the new year. "Those who are in a hurry now break bones and spill blood" - this is what our grandmothers used to say.

On the first day of the new year, everyone in the family spoke without raising their voices so that there would be no quarrels and scandals in the new year. We wished each other health and prayed to God, because as the year begins, so it will be.

If on January 1, you find three unnamed graves in the cemetery and bow down at each of them and say: "What is your name, clan-tribe people do not know, so that I do not know poverty for a whole year!" - then the coming year will be comfortable.

Tie a knot on a towel on the second day of the new year for luck with the words: "how I easily tied this knot, so that all my ideas can easily come true."

On January 2, throw a handful of seeds to the birds and say: “I am feeding you birds. And God will feed me. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen". Whoever does this, God will not let him experience hunger and need.

On the day of January 4, dreams usually foreshadow trouble. To scold a bad omen, read before you wash, a special conspiracy: “The night has come, the night is gone. So you too, bad dream, go away. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen".